China (Not the Country)

I did not think about registering for china. I though about registering for a hot tub... and patio furniture... you know, things that we'd use every single day and enjoy as part of the "fabric of our lives." Why do people register for china... so that their dining table can look impressive once a year?

The fiance assumed that we'd register for china. His childhood home had china. His home with his first wife had china (he even pointed out their pattern when we were at Gumps). I did not grow up with china. My parents received silver flatware for their wedding in 1961 and never added to the collection nor did they use it even once. And they certainly never ate off of china. I'm not even sure if they have any. My parents are "casual," with a capital "C." My maternal grandmother had china, three sets in fact. But I do not recall ever eating off of it. My maternal grandparents did host formal Thanksgivings in an impressive dining room that probably sat at least twelve. But I never sat in the dining room. Until the ripe old age of 26 or maybe even 27 years, I sat at the "kids table" (read: no china) at Thanksgiving. There were too many adults from the elder generations present for me to be able to sit at the "china table." And if someone from my generation was invited to sit in the dining room for a Thanksgiving meal, it was probably my brother who was the eldest of our generation. So I have lead a china-less life. Why bother starting now?

When my maternal grandmother passed away her china was boxed up and is currently sitting in the boxes at my parents house. So when I mentioned "china" to my mother, she said "take it." I kind of liked the idea of simply inheriting my grandmother's china. I looked at photos of the china that were emailed to me and picked one of the patterns. My mother also offered up the silver. So I was All Set. I had china AND silver.

Then we went to Bloomingdales.

While at Bloomingdales we looked at crystal which was the only thing that I was not inheriting. I picked out a crystal pattern. And we also looked at the china. Looking at china is overwhleming. There are a million patterns, a million styles: traditional, modern, avante guarde, country, retro, old-lady... you name it. I loved them and hated them all at the same time. It is a cornicopia of visual mishegass. I couldn't choose a pattern if I had to. Thank goodness I didn't have to.

Later I started looking at china patterns online. I don't know why. I guess I started looking at them because china (not the country...) had suddenly entered my awareness. I had previously never given china a second thought. But when you get married, you register for china. The fiance mentioned a couple times that his mother's friends had asked what our pattern is. Our pattern? Our pattern is a seven thousand dollar hot tub... that's our pattern. Or how about some teak patio furniture from Crate&Barel.

At Bloomingdales we put together a place setting. We tried to find a pattern in the store that closely matched the pattern I was inheriting. I am getting Mikasa bone china A5-166 Solitude from my grandmother. You can look up a photo online. It is very basic. A silver outer band with a black inner band. It is not terribly exciting, but it will go with a lot of things. The other two patterns to choose from were florals that the fiance did not particularly like. So I chose this one. Interstingly enough, the china isn't really worth anything. I think you can buy replacement pieces online for like five dollars a plate. Unlike silver, I guess china patterns change, and don't really hold their value over time.

Then the fiance suggested that we register for a charger to go under the Mikasa Solitude china pattern. Something to "spice it up." What is a charger you ask? I had never heard of a "charger" before he suggested getting a set. No, it is not the thing that you plug your cell phone into at night. It is a very large plate, that acts as sort of a placemat. It sits under all of the other plates, and as the dinner courses come and go, the "charger" stays. You never eat off of the charger. So it is a plate, that never touches any food. It is purely for design. Excellent! This is just my thing. An item that looks like it is supposed to be functional, but in fact its only function is to look good. Who's idea was that?

I gave the charger some thought. Maybe the fiance was right. I should choose something that would bring a little bit of "me" into the design of the table. It is fun and meaningful to inherit items, but then it is also nice if the formal wear reflects your personality as well - that is, if you are going to use formal china. The charger seemed like a good compromise. I could bring a little bit of "me" into the table design, but still use my grandmother's china, which held meaning for me. So I looked at charger patterns online and I picked one. I picked the JL Coquet Khazard Platinum pattern, because it is gorgeous. It is not retro, not modern, and not old-lady china. I don't know how to describe the style, except "gorgeous." I added 12 "chargers" in this pattern to the registry. It is a platinum design so it should coordinate perfectly with the Mikasa Solitude.

Later the fiance and I went to Gumps. He insisted that I at least look at Gumps. While at Gumps we had a chance to look at the JL Coquet Khazard Platinum charger. I also happened to notice the price. In fact, the sales person actually pointed out the price and said that he didn't recommend that people register for chargers in this pattern, because you can buy the entire place setting in this pattern for less than the cost of the charger. The chargers are $365 (each!). At Bloomingdales, were we are actually registered, they had a temporary sale so they were momentarily $310 (each!). So if you own 12 of these chargers, you own approximately four thousand to four thousand five hundred dollars worth of dishes that you never eat off of. Who's idea was this? I removed the chargers from the registry. It's not that I wouldn't love to have these chargers. But I can't quite wrap my head around owning four thousand dollars worth of dishes that I will never eat off of. However, I did add the regular JL Coquet Khazard Platinum place setting on to the registry. So now, suddenly, I was registering for china. I fell in love with the pattern. If you look at this pattern in the light of the Gumps showroom, the platinum looks iridescent. It is amazing. And the design works perfectly with the crystal pattern that I picked. And, as intended, it will coordiate with the Mikasa as well. And I now understand that what you are supposed to do is add to the collection over time. So maybe you get three place settings for the wedding. Then for anniversaries you get more. It's a like a hobby, or better yet... a lifestyle.

And that is the interesting conclusion that I came to recently. China is a lifestyle. Some people have it, some don't. Some use it, some don't. Chosing to own china is like choosing a lifestyle. Are you going to host formal dinners? If you host formal dinners, do you want your table to look a certain way? Will you have friends over to eat, or will you always go out? Do you even have a dining room table in your house or apartment? I know people in San Francisco, who don't even have a dining room table, because that room has given way to the more urgent need for a home office. People need an office more than they need a dining room these days. In fact currently, my office IS my finace's dining room table. I clear off my junk every time we have people over. It's a transitional thing... but it is an interesting statement about lifestyle. There was a time when women were primarily concerned with preparing and serving food. The women I know today, care more about their laptop computers than serving food... hence the dining room table that is used as an office desk.

Another interesting point that my fiance made in the context of the china discussion was the fact that he wanted to create memories for our children. Having regular meals every day as well as special meals on nice china would be an important part of creating a "home" and creating memories for our children. And using the china would help to make each holiday "special." I couldn't argue with that.

People do talk about how china can become something that just sits around in boxes and is a pain the rear end to store and move. Other people talk about how the china becomes a special thing that is used for special occasions and therefore holds special significance. It is a lifestyle choice. And here I had to choose a lifestyle. Would I be the person who rejected the china in favor of a hot tub and always ate off of ten dollar glass plates from Crate&Barel? Or would I be the person who wanted to make holidays "special?" I could see myself as both. But I knew that my fiance had a clear preference for the special significance of using china, and I fell in love with the new pattern that I found.

The JL Coquet Khazard Platinum looks perfect with the Mikasa Solitude, except for one small detail. The Coquet is all porcelin and the Mikasa is bone china. So? Porcelin and bone china look different. Porcelin is slightly translucent and bone china is completely opaque. So the whites do not match. Of course there would be some detail like this, that would prevent my plan from working. I fell in love with the idea of mixing the Mikasa and the Coquet. Use the Coquet dinner plate with a Mikasa salad plate on top. I ultimately decided that I didn't care about the difference in the whites. I would find a way to make it work.

I am now very excited about the china. I even registered for the creamer and sugar bowl in the Coquet Khazard Platinum pattern. I'm still interested in the hot tub and the patio furniture. And I'm sure we will aquire those things over time. But I guess that deep down I am a traditionalist. And thus I ultimately chose to register for the china. I really do care about how the dining room table looks when we have people over. I never knew that I would, until we started having people over. A few days ago we had my parents over. And my finace pulled out some wooden placemats and the colored cloth napkins. I'm not sure that my parents noticed or cared. But I noticed. And I thought that it was a very nice touch.

So here's to a lifetime of creating memories with a very nice looking dinner table; the perfect mix of my style as well as something sentimental. I am so excited, I will finally get to eat in the dining room with the china. I only had to wait 37 years. Let me know when you'd like to come over for dinner. I'm not waiting until Thanksgiving to use the china.