Sunday, May 20, 2007

Momentum and Meaning

You may have noticed... I haven't blogged in a while. One month and 12 days to be exact. I've been busy, as you can probably imagine. Then, I accidentally spilled tea right onto the keyboard of my laptop and killed the computer. Okay, the laptop sacrifice was a more recent event and not really the cause of my lack of blogging, but it didn't help. I try to be organized, focused, and motivated. Then I inadvertently kill my computer and I realize that life is just a string of chaotic events, and any semblance of organization is just the veil covering the reality of mushagos.

I went to the Apple store on Friday with my dead computer, and the "Apple Genius" (yes that is the person's title on the business card... when did business cards become witty conversation pieces?) suggested that I register for a new computer after I mentioned that I was getting married in a month and my all-important "to-do" list was inside the dead computer. I'm not 100% sure that the computer is dead. But the diagnosis is "Not Good" and I have to wait a week for it to "Dry Out" before even trying to turn it on. When the technician called me later in the day with the report he said, "Peach Tea?" He could smell the tea. It was "Very Wet." So my computer is in the laptop hospital at the Stonestown Mall. On the upside, my harddrive looks okay. They haven't examined every file. But "It Mounts" was the report. Thank goodness my email is all On Line along with my Blog.

I try to be organized. I try to be focused. I try to... Get Things Done. But then, chaos happens. And the momentum is interrupted. And then there is the fact that everything in my life has changed because I am getting married. When you get your marriage license from City Hall they give you a little booklet about having children, getting tested for genetic diseases, the definition of domestic abuse, etc. What they really should give you is a booklet on Adjustment Disorder. Maybe you'll have kids, maybe you won't. Maybe you're a carrier for genetic disease, maybe you aren't. And really, what's the likelihood of ending up in a domestic abuse situation? I guess it happens. But who wants to think about that in the two weeks preceeding their wedding day??? But... I'm convinced that everyone who gets married goes through some kind of adjustment disorder. One day you're sleeping alone, the next day you're not. You move, sell houses, buy houses, change jobs, change careers, give up jobs, start cleaning up someone else's kitchen everyday... you get woken up by the fiance's cranky dog, you forget to water your plants because you are too busy and they die, you spend too much money on the wedding or wedding-related things and go into credit card debt for the first time in 8 years, you can't disappear for 4 hours at the end of the day because someone is waiting for you at dinner time. Everything changes. And often, it changes very quickly. Then you spill tea on your computer. If you spill liquid on your computer in college it's a Party Foul. If you spill liquid on your computer when you're getting married, it's an Adjustment Disorder.

Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled to be getting married. But I won't deny that it is a lot of change. Change can be good and change can be hard. What does this have to do with the wedding? Nothing. What does this have to do with getting married? Everything. The wedding is just the party. The marriage is your life. I'm starting a new life. I'm excited to start a new life. But it is a lot of change. And that's why we have weddings, so that we can celebrate the change! I am truely excited. I will be buildng a life with someone I love. And to me, there is no greater joy in life. Who cares about neglected plants and dirty dishes, when you get to fall asleep next to the person that you love at the end of every day. In a year, I'll have forgotten that that I spent so much money on wedding-related things, and that in my adjustment disordered haze I spilled tea on my laptop. I'll be married to a man that I love. And that's all that will matter.