Everything was PERFECT on Sunday! Right on down to the fact it was SUNNY all day at the Legion of Honor... which in San Francisco on June 17th is a minor miracle. It was foggy on Saturday, and it was foggy on Monday morning. But it was sunny all day on our wedding day. I choose to see that as an omen... the powers that be are shinny on our union.
Everything when by in a whirlwind. I've heard that that is generally the way that it goes. Six months, twelve months, a year and a half of planning all for a few short hours. I am glad that I kept my "planning" down to six months. Would it have been any better if I had planned a prepared more? I think not.
On Friday night when the Rabbi blessed us at the temple he told us to take a lot of "mental pictures" of the weekend. Here are some things that I remember:
Checking in at the Ritz on Saturday and seeing a hotel room that may very well be larger than my house. Realizing that almost all of my relatives were at the rehearsal dinner, and how fun it was to see all of them on Saturday night. How relaxing it was to have my fingernails and toenails groomed at the same time on Sunday morning. The white flip-flops that I bought at the nail salon. The photographers arranging my dress in the hotel bedroom for photos. How much space the make up artist's equiptment took up. My hairdresser having 3 curling irons but only 2 plugged in. The bridesmaids putting on their jewelry that I bought for them. All the girls sitting in curlers with the photographers wondering how they were going to take photos of them. Having 3 people help me get dressed because I didn't start getting into my dress until about 2:00 (nearly a half hour later than planned). John standing in the window of the hotel room with his back to me waiting for me to tap him on his shoulder so he could turn around and see me all dressed up. Walking through the lobby of the Ritz with the photographers snapping pictures of us. The people at Baker beach telling us "congratulations" as sand poured into my wedding shoes. Arriving at the Legion and seeing the wedding party standing there in their duds with the general public swirling around them. My sister telling me to relax during posed photos so that I wouldn't have a "perma-smile." My brother telling me how proud he is of me. The Rabbi looking very calm. Standing next to the piano in the theater with the stage lights pouring down on us. Realizing that I wouldn't get to "see" the processional through the columns because I was the last one in the processional. Smiling bigger than I have ever smiled in my life as I first walked alone through the columns then walked down the aisle with my father. Everyone standing up as I walked down the aisle and feeling how physically close they were to me. Wondering why the Ketubah got hidden behind a speaker. Being thankful that we did use a microphone so that everyone could here the ceremony. Fumbling with the watch that we presented to Colin. Taking a minute to look into the audience while I stood up front with the Rabbi. Speaking very clearly as I said my vows. Noticing how the light fell across the columns in the courtyard at that time of day. The sound of the glass breaking as John stepped on it. Getting to kiss him several times at the end of the ceremony. Crying as we walked together back into the museum.
Okay... to be continued. I have to pack some bags and catch an airplane.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Lights, Camera, Action!
I did it. I did everything on my to-do list. Actually, I did everything on about 35 different to-do lists. So I'm "Ready"... with a capital R... actually make that all caps. All I have to do is pack my things together. Oh, I guess I should get some cash for tips. And well, the dogs need to get to their respective doggie sitting arrangements. And... what else? It's never done. I always think that projects should have a finite end to them. But they never do. When I told my old boss that I was pretty much ready for the wedding, she said, "Oh that's good, because I really wasn't ready when I got married." But then at the end of the day... you're married all the same. So does it even matter how "ready" you were? Then there are two kinds of "ready" - psychologically ready, and logistically ready. I've always been psychologically ready... no cold feet here. Maybe that's because I'm 37 and my biological clock is probably ticking. But is anyone ever logistically completely ready for a wedding? My bridesmaid and fiance begged me not to make a ceremony program because it was T minus 7 and I needed to relax. I made one anyway. Then there was a typo, and I considered reprinting them... and the fiance begged me not to reprint them. My mother, the professional proofreader, couldn't find the typo... so not reprinting was probably the right choice.
In an effort to get away from all of the "to-dos" and logistics, and the typo in the ceremony progam, I did a Mikvah. The Rabbi suggested it. Then a fairly religious friend of my fiance whom I adore, told the fiance that she was going to try to get me to do a Mikvah. So I figured that a Mikvah was in my future. I haven't been a particularly religious person in my life. But I'll say that doing the Mikvah, which I did yesterday, was a wonderful thing. It was one of the few moments in preparation for the wedding that was entirely about the spiritual and psychological transition. It had nothing to do with the logistics of producing a wedding event. It was about "getting married." It brought my focus inward and allowed me to spend a few magical moments reflecting on the transition and saying some private blessings for this union and my future with John. Religious rituals are what you make of them. If you say they are meaningless, then they are meaningless to you. But if you decide that they hold meaning, then they will become meaningful.
John and I struggle with this all the time. He does not want a chuppah. So we don't have a chuppah. Someone at the Jewish Community Center yesterday said that she'd never seen a Jewish wedding without a Chuppah. So somehow I felt obligated to have one. But John doesn't want one. And I don't want to deal with the logistics of obtaining one, the cost of renting one ($150 from the JCC), or the job of transporting one (the bases for the poles to stand in weigh 20 pounds each). I'm done. This wedding is now up to fate. I can't do one more thing, not even get a last minute chuppah. I didn't originally want a chuppah because I thought it would obstruct the view for the photos, since it's not "designed" into the scene. I want the columns of the courtyard to be the backdrop of our wedding. And actually, I like having the view of the sky. And we are surrounded by art, since it is the courtyard of an art museum. In actuality the art is more meaningful to me than the significance of a chuppah. My life has been and is about design and art. And we already have beautiful design and art in our setting.
It is easy to loose sight of one's personal preferences at times like this. But ultimately a wedding is about 2 people, and only those 2 people. It is not necessarily about religious rituals, family influences, logistic constraints, commercialisim and "rental fees." It is about two individuals coming together to make a third entity, a union that brings two lives together into one. Everything else is gravy.
On Thurday I did a Mikvah. On Friday we are being blessed at the Temple. And then... it begins. I'm so excited. And then, it will all be over so quickly. I guess that's why they invented photography. And better yet, videography. Now it occurrs to me that even though the event is roughly 5 hours long... I have been "getting married" since December 20th. Everything that happens on Sunday is the culmination of the last 6 months of my life, our lives. I have hopes and dreams, but no expectations. Whatever happens will be beautiful. And at the end of the day, we will be married. I wonder if there will ever be another moment in my life when all of these friends and family members will be in the same place together again. I guess that's part of what makes a wedding so special. Everyone comes out to be there for you. It's a wonderful thing. I wish there were more life events that call for such a gathering. We are so lucky to have this moment in time.
A friend asked if I would be continuing the blog post-wedding. And the answer is "yes!" I intend to give insightful reviews of the vendors. Reflections on the event itself. And, of course, notes on the honeymoon. So if you have enjoyed the blog - stay tunned!
In an effort to get away from all of the "to-dos" and logistics, and the typo in the ceremony progam, I did a Mikvah. The Rabbi suggested it. Then a fairly religious friend of my fiance whom I adore, told the fiance that she was going to try to get me to do a Mikvah. So I figured that a Mikvah was in my future. I haven't been a particularly religious person in my life. But I'll say that doing the Mikvah, which I did yesterday, was a wonderful thing. It was one of the few moments in preparation for the wedding that was entirely about the spiritual and psychological transition. It had nothing to do with the logistics of producing a wedding event. It was about "getting married." It brought my focus inward and allowed me to spend a few magical moments reflecting on the transition and saying some private blessings for this union and my future with John. Religious rituals are what you make of them. If you say they are meaningless, then they are meaningless to you. But if you decide that they hold meaning, then they will become meaningful.
John and I struggle with this all the time. He does not want a chuppah. So we don't have a chuppah. Someone at the Jewish Community Center yesterday said that she'd never seen a Jewish wedding without a Chuppah. So somehow I felt obligated to have one. But John doesn't want one. And I don't want to deal with the logistics of obtaining one, the cost of renting one ($150 from the JCC), or the job of transporting one (the bases for the poles to stand in weigh 20 pounds each). I'm done. This wedding is now up to fate. I can't do one more thing, not even get a last minute chuppah. I didn't originally want a chuppah because I thought it would obstruct the view for the photos, since it's not "designed" into the scene. I want the columns of the courtyard to be the backdrop of our wedding. And actually, I like having the view of the sky. And we are surrounded by art, since it is the courtyard of an art museum. In actuality the art is more meaningful to me than the significance of a chuppah. My life has been and is about design and art. And we already have beautiful design and art in our setting.
It is easy to loose sight of one's personal preferences at times like this. But ultimately a wedding is about 2 people, and only those 2 people. It is not necessarily about religious rituals, family influences, logistic constraints, commercialisim and "rental fees." It is about two individuals coming together to make a third entity, a union that brings two lives together into one. Everything else is gravy.
On Thurday I did a Mikvah. On Friday we are being blessed at the Temple. And then... it begins. I'm so excited. And then, it will all be over so quickly. I guess that's why they invented photography. And better yet, videography. Now it occurrs to me that even though the event is roughly 5 hours long... I have been "getting married" since December 20th. Everything that happens on Sunday is the culmination of the last 6 months of my life, our lives. I have hopes and dreams, but no expectations. Whatever happens will be beautiful. And at the end of the day, we will be married. I wonder if there will ever be another moment in my life when all of these friends and family members will be in the same place together again. I guess that's part of what makes a wedding so special. Everyone comes out to be there for you. It's a wonderful thing. I wish there were more life events that call for such a gathering. We are so lucky to have this moment in time.
A friend asked if I would be continuing the blog post-wedding. And the answer is "yes!" I intend to give insightful reviews of the vendors. Reflections on the event itself. And, of course, notes on the honeymoon. So if you have enjoyed the blog - stay tunned!
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Details
If there is one thing that I've learned in the past five months, it is that I am EXCELLENT at managing the details. In fact, that is all I do. I just... manage details.
My fiance is a "Big Picture" person. I used to think that I was a Big Picture person... until I decided to plan a wedding. Yesterday someone at a graduation reception told me that she was now planning her neice's wedding. She asked me about our location. And off the top of my head I was able to rattle off EVERY benefit and deficit of that location: number of people it accomodates, how much you have to pay to extend the space, hours of operation, how far ahead it books for a Saturday vs. a Sunday, pros and cons of the in-house caterer, the list of "approved" caterers other than the in-house caterer, approximately how much more it costs to use someone other than the in-house caterer and why, ceremony options and how much they cost, the fact that you can now rent the entire museum for a particular fee and exactly what that fee is, what the weather is like at that location at various times of the year, and fourty more minute details that you probably don't care to hear about. All of that is in my head. Can you believe it? I can't believe it.
When did I become this detail-oriented? I'm like a Detail Genious. It is as if my response to change and life stress is to track details. Sometimes I impress myself with the level of minutia that I am able to extract out of my brain.
Then my fiance tells me that he is hungry and he wants to go out and get lunch. But I refuse to go with him, because (a) I'm not hungry (b) I'm not dressed to go out and (c) I'm tracking details. I made a new "To Do List" today. I think it was To-Do List Number Twenty-Five... or something like that.
So, it has become clear to me that I need to go to "Big Picture School." You know, the place where they teach you high-level concepts and discuss abstract thinking. My friend Lia had a great tactic that she used when she was planning her wedding and getting married. She just kept thinking that at the end of her wedding day she would Be Married. And nothing else mattered. She has an excellent perspective. I, on the otherhand, completely lack perspective. I seek perfection in a chaotic world. I seek order and control from people who want me to "go with the flow." I had a therapist tell me that she thought I should take Ativan on the day of the wedding. She's probably right.
I need to go to yoga class and meditate... but I have to make the place cards, print names on the place card envelopes, make and print menus, decide if I'm making a ceremony program, and oh yeah... maybe I should get dressed at some point today...
My fiance is a "Big Picture" person. I used to think that I was a Big Picture person... until I decided to plan a wedding. Yesterday someone at a graduation reception told me that she was now planning her neice's wedding. She asked me about our location. And off the top of my head I was able to rattle off EVERY benefit and deficit of that location: number of people it accomodates, how much you have to pay to extend the space, hours of operation, how far ahead it books for a Saturday vs. a Sunday, pros and cons of the in-house caterer, the list of "approved" caterers other than the in-house caterer, approximately how much more it costs to use someone other than the in-house caterer and why, ceremony options and how much they cost, the fact that you can now rent the entire museum for a particular fee and exactly what that fee is, what the weather is like at that location at various times of the year, and fourty more minute details that you probably don't care to hear about. All of that is in my head. Can you believe it? I can't believe it.
When did I become this detail-oriented? I'm like a Detail Genious. It is as if my response to change and life stress is to track details. Sometimes I impress myself with the level of minutia that I am able to extract out of my brain.
Then my fiance tells me that he is hungry and he wants to go out and get lunch. But I refuse to go with him, because (a) I'm not hungry (b) I'm not dressed to go out and (c) I'm tracking details. I made a new "To Do List" today. I think it was To-Do List Number Twenty-Five... or something like that.
So, it has become clear to me that I need to go to "Big Picture School." You know, the place where they teach you high-level concepts and discuss abstract thinking. My friend Lia had a great tactic that she used when she was planning her wedding and getting married. She just kept thinking that at the end of her wedding day she would Be Married. And nothing else mattered. She has an excellent perspective. I, on the otherhand, completely lack perspective. I seek perfection in a chaotic world. I seek order and control from people who want me to "go with the flow." I had a therapist tell me that she thought I should take Ativan on the day of the wedding. She's probably right.
I need to go to yoga class and meditate... but I have to make the place cards, print names on the place card envelopes, make and print menus, decide if I'm making a ceremony program, and oh yeah... maybe I should get dressed at some point today...
Past Tense
I wrote an "update" a while back and failed to publish it to the blog... so to fill you in on some things I'll include it now...
So, what's new? Let's see...
I had my wedding shower on May 6th. It was Lovely (with a capital
"L"). It was in a cute tea room. And I wore a cute dress that I spent
way too much money on from Bloomingdales. Most importantly my friend
Lia came up from Southern California and spent the weekend with me as
a shower gift. It was so wonderful. I hadn't seen her in probably 10
years. It was such a treat to see her. Thank you to my lovely sister for the photos and to all my excellent
bridesmaids for hosting!
I decided that the ceremony would be in the Court of Honor instead of
on the lawn. Both locations are beautiful. It only took 4 months to make that decision.
Our parents met in Dallas the same weekend that I had my shower.
Everyone on all sides said that it was Lovely.
And... lest you think that weddings are all about fancy invitations
and registering for wedding gifts (per my most recent blog entries), I
will attempt to catch you up on some of the more weighty
wedding-related topics like ceremony preparations and religious
wedding rituals...
I learned about Ketubahs. And we ordered one. I had never heard of a
Ketubah before we met with the Rabbi. I thought that I might
illustrate my own Ketubah. It would make it so "meaningful." Too much
work. I like the idea of a Ketubah because it is basically a place
where your vows are written down and framed. It's a great idea. It's
something that sticks around after the actual event is over. It's a
daily reminder of your dedication and devotion to each other. It's also
another $250 out of the wedding budget that has already been spent
five times over. I learned that my father has a Jewish Name. I had no
idea. You have to put Jewish names on the Ketubah... or write
"transliterate" so that they transfer the English name directly to the
Hebrew.
I also went to a frame store to have the Ketubah matted and learned that framing the Ketubah will probably cost more than the Ketubah itself.
That's the update.
So, what's new? Let's see...
I had my wedding shower on May 6th. It was Lovely (with a capital
"L"). It was in a cute tea room. And I wore a cute dress that I spent
way too much money on from Bloomingdales. Most importantly my friend
Lia came up from Southern California and spent the weekend with me as
a shower gift. It was so wonderful. I hadn't seen her in probably 10
years. It was such a treat to see her. Thank you to my lovely sister for the photos and to all my excellent
bridesmaids for hosting!
I decided that the ceremony would be in the Court of Honor instead of
on the lawn. Both locations are beautiful. It only took 4 months to make that decision.
Our parents met in Dallas the same weekend that I had my shower.
Everyone on all sides said that it was Lovely.
And... lest you think that weddings are all about fancy invitations
and registering for wedding gifts (per my most recent blog entries), I
will attempt to catch you up on some of the more weighty
wedding-related topics like ceremony preparations and religious
wedding rituals...
I learned about Ketubahs. And we ordered one. I had never heard of a
Ketubah before we met with the Rabbi. I thought that I might
illustrate my own Ketubah. It would make it so "meaningful." Too much
work. I like the idea of a Ketubah because it is basically a place
where your vows are written down and framed. It's a great idea. It's
something that sticks around after the actual event is over. It's a
daily reminder of your dedication and devotion to each other. It's also
another $250 out of the wedding budget that has already been spent
five times over. I learned that my father has a Jewish Name. I had no
idea. You have to put Jewish names on the Ketubah... or write
"transliterate" so that they transfer the English name directly to the
Hebrew.
I also went to a frame store to have the Ketubah matted and learned that framing the Ketubah will probably cost more than the Ketubah itself.
That's the update.
The Big Picture
I can't see The Big Picture.
All I can see is this...
To Do 3/26/07:
- send list of payments
- SIGN CATERER CONTRACT AND SEND DEPOSIT
- order napkins
- disposable cameras?
- Book ManiPedi (order specific services and give cc number)
- Security deposit for Legion by 5/17
- Get postcards for frames (De Young)
- Make name cards on vellum for frames
- Book transportation
- Guest book insert - swap
- Buy new dress / engagement photo clothes
- Colin shoes / measure in May
- Make table assignments
- Make table place cards
- Make table numbers/names?
- Finalize lighting
- Send lighting contract and make up contract to Shannon
- Transportation information to Shannon
- Ketubah
- Kiddush Cups
- Glass to break
- Trim shoes straps
- Matte/vellum for Ketubah – pick up Ketubah and Kiddush cups
- WRITE VOWS AND FIGURE OUT SERVICE BY MONDAY NIGHT
Pick up:
Underwear
Purse? And/or bag?
Ketubah and Kiddush cups
Toasting flutes?
Actually I finished most of the stuff on _that_ list so now my list looks like this:
To Do 6/3/07:
- additions to ceremony (extra readings)
- photo shot list
- get day-of schedule to all vendors and confirm timing and setup
o photo/video (detailed photo schedule)
o cake
o florist
o DJ
o Musicians
o Phobus lighting
o Make Up
o Hair
- get day-of contact info for all vendors
- make seating chart
- make table place cards and envelopes
- assemble favors/names (vellum)
- make table name cards
- write thank you cards for shower gifts
- call babysitter to cancel
- design/print menus
- design/print ceremony programs
- confirm details with Rabbi / follow up
- Write out all cards
- Fax updated floor plan to Phoebus Lighting
- Shoe bottoms?
- Engrave pie server?
- Groomsmen gifts
- Wrap all gifts
- Wedding day schedule including transportation for everyone and timing
- All final details to wedding party and parents
- Print Shakespeare Sonnet and extra readings
Questions for Day-of Coordinator:
- when do the ring bearer and flower girl sit down?
- Transporting stuff to and from location?
Pick Up:
Bridesmaids dresses and flower girl dress
Pocket squares
Wedding dress
Kiddush Cups
Ketbuah
Suitcase
Evening purse
Lingere
White wine
Nail polish (Color: Soho Nice To Meet You – Opi)
Lipstick brushes (4)
Why can't I see the big picture?
Here are the items sitting on my makeshift desk: An updated floor plan of the cocktail and reception areas that needs to be faxed to the Lighting Designer, two "To Do" lists with exactly FOURTY TWO things crossed off as "done" and TWELVE things not crossed off and left "To Do." That sounds like a good ratio, except that I made a new list on the computer with TWENTY TWO "To Do" items on it. I also have ELEVEN items (see above) give or take fourty-five to pick up over the next two weeks.
No one should plan their own wedding. Actually, everyone should plan their own wedding until about 3 weeks prior to the event. Then the Wedding Planning Faries should swoop in and TAKE OVER. You know... like how storkes drop off babies on your doorstep? Perfect. Easy. Neat. No Mess.
My desk is a mess.
I know what you're thinking... do I really need to have that pie server engraved? Of course I don't. But lest you think that I'm obsessed about unimportant details... the seamstress has my dress, the 3 bridesmaid's dresses, the flower girl dress, and the 7 pockets squares. She promised to have them finished by June 1st. This is June 3rd. I've left 2 phone messages and one email message and haven't heard anything from her. I'm sure that everything is fine. I just called right now and left another phone message.
Oh yes, and we lost one person from the wedding party due to a break up, and had to secure a replacement person.
Yesterday I went to a graduation and listened to a baby cry throughout the entire hour long event. Then I wondered if that would happen at our wedding ceremony.
Were is the Big Picture in all of this?
I asked my photographer if he could send someone to do an hour of photography at our rehearsal dinner and he told me that it would cost $450 for that hour of photography.
My florist "re-did" my proposal after our meeting last week and the price went up by $380 (unexpectedly and without warning). We negotiated the price BACK DOWN to the original quote as soon as I noticed the difference.
I thought that I'd write a poem for the ceremony. But my head is blank. Actually my head isn't blank. It's cluttered.
Where is the Big Picture in all of this???
All I can see is this...
To Do 3/26/07:
- send list of payments
- SIGN CATERER CONTRACT AND SEND DEPOSIT
- order napkins
- disposable cameras?
- Book ManiPedi (order specific services and give cc number)
- Security deposit for Legion by 5/17
- Get postcards for frames (De Young)
- Make name cards on vellum for frames
- Book transportation
- Guest book insert - swap
- Buy new dress / engagement photo clothes
- Colin shoes / measure in May
- Make table assignments
- Make table place cards
- Make table numbers/names?
- Finalize lighting
- Send lighting contract and make up contract to Shannon
- Transportation information to Shannon
- Ketubah
- Kiddush Cups
- Glass to break
- Trim shoes straps
- Matte/vellum for Ketubah – pick up Ketubah and Kiddush cups
- WRITE VOWS AND FIGURE OUT SERVICE BY MONDAY NIGHT
Pick up:
Underwear
Purse? And/or bag?
Ketubah and Kiddush cups
Toasting flutes?
Actually I finished most of the stuff on _that_ list so now my list looks like this:
To Do 6/3/07:
- additions to ceremony (extra readings)
- photo shot list
- get day-of schedule to all vendors and confirm timing and setup
o photo/video (detailed photo schedule)
o cake
o florist
o DJ
o Musicians
o Phobus lighting
o Make Up
o Hair
- get day-of contact info for all vendors
- make seating chart
- make table place cards and envelopes
- assemble favors/names (vellum)
- make table name cards
- write thank you cards for shower gifts
- call babysitter to cancel
- design/print menus
- design/print ceremony programs
- confirm details with Rabbi / follow up
- Write out all cards
- Fax updated floor plan to Phoebus Lighting
- Shoe bottoms?
- Engrave pie server?
- Groomsmen gifts
- Wrap all gifts
- Wedding day schedule including transportation for everyone and timing
- All final details to wedding party and parents
- Print Shakespeare Sonnet and extra readings
Questions for Day-of Coordinator:
- when do the ring bearer and flower girl sit down?
- Transporting stuff to and from location?
Pick Up:
Bridesmaids dresses and flower girl dress
Pocket squares
Wedding dress
Kiddush Cups
Ketbuah
Suitcase
Evening purse
Lingere
White wine
Nail polish (Color: Soho Nice To Meet You – Opi)
Lipstick brushes (4)
Why can't I see the big picture?
Here are the items sitting on my makeshift desk: An updated floor plan of the cocktail and reception areas that needs to be faxed to the Lighting Designer, two "To Do" lists with exactly FOURTY TWO things crossed off as "done" and TWELVE things not crossed off and left "To Do." That sounds like a good ratio, except that I made a new list on the computer with TWENTY TWO "To Do" items on it. I also have ELEVEN items (see above) give or take fourty-five to pick up over the next two weeks.
No one should plan their own wedding. Actually, everyone should plan their own wedding until about 3 weeks prior to the event. Then the Wedding Planning Faries should swoop in and TAKE OVER. You know... like how storkes drop off babies on your doorstep? Perfect. Easy. Neat. No Mess.
My desk is a mess.
I know what you're thinking... do I really need to have that pie server engraved? Of course I don't. But lest you think that I'm obsessed about unimportant details... the seamstress has my dress, the 3 bridesmaid's dresses, the flower girl dress, and the 7 pockets squares. She promised to have them finished by June 1st. This is June 3rd. I've left 2 phone messages and one email message and haven't heard anything from her. I'm sure that everything is fine. I just called right now and left another phone message.
Oh yes, and we lost one person from the wedding party due to a break up, and had to secure a replacement person.
Yesterday I went to a graduation and listened to a baby cry throughout the entire hour long event. Then I wondered if that would happen at our wedding ceremony.
Were is the Big Picture in all of this?
I asked my photographer if he could send someone to do an hour of photography at our rehearsal dinner and he told me that it would cost $450 for that hour of photography.
My florist "re-did" my proposal after our meeting last week and the price went up by $380 (unexpectedly and without warning). We negotiated the price BACK DOWN to the original quote as soon as I noticed the difference.
I thought that I'd write a poem for the ceremony. But my head is blank. Actually my head isn't blank. It's cluttered.
Where is the Big Picture in all of this???
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Momentum and Meaning
You may have noticed... I haven't blogged in a while. One month and 12 days to be exact. I've been busy, as you can probably imagine. Then, I accidentally spilled tea right onto the keyboard of my laptop and killed the computer. Okay, the laptop sacrifice was a more recent event and not really the cause of my lack of blogging, but it didn't help. I try to be organized, focused, and motivated. Then I inadvertently kill my computer and I realize that life is just a string of chaotic events, and any semblance of organization is just the veil covering the reality of mushagos.
I went to the Apple store on Friday with my dead computer, and the "Apple Genius" (yes that is the person's title on the business card... when did business cards become witty conversation pieces?) suggested that I register for a new computer after I mentioned that I was getting married in a month and my all-important "to-do" list was inside the dead computer. I'm not 100% sure that the computer is dead. But the diagnosis is "Not Good" and I have to wait a week for it to "Dry Out" before even trying to turn it on. When the technician called me later in the day with the report he said, "Peach Tea?" He could smell the tea. It was "Very Wet." So my computer is in the laptop hospital at the Stonestown Mall. On the upside, my harddrive looks okay. They haven't examined every file. But "It Mounts" was the report. Thank goodness my email is all On Line along with my Blog.
I try to be organized. I try to be focused. I try to... Get Things Done. But then, chaos happens. And the momentum is interrupted. And then there is the fact that everything in my life has changed because I am getting married. When you get your marriage license from City Hall they give you a little booklet about having children, getting tested for genetic diseases, the definition of domestic abuse, etc. What they really should give you is a booklet on Adjustment Disorder. Maybe you'll have kids, maybe you won't. Maybe you're a carrier for genetic disease, maybe you aren't. And really, what's the likelihood of ending up in a domestic abuse situation? I guess it happens. But who wants to think about that in the two weeks preceeding their wedding day??? But... I'm convinced that everyone who gets married goes through some kind of adjustment disorder. One day you're sleeping alone, the next day you're not. You move, sell houses, buy houses, change jobs, change careers, give up jobs, start cleaning up someone else's kitchen everyday... you get woken up by the fiance's cranky dog, you forget to water your plants because you are too busy and they die, you spend too much money on the wedding or wedding-related things and go into credit card debt for the first time in 8 years, you can't disappear for 4 hours at the end of the day because someone is waiting for you at dinner time. Everything changes. And often, it changes very quickly. Then you spill tea on your computer. If you spill liquid on your computer in college it's a Party Foul. If you spill liquid on your computer when you're getting married, it's an Adjustment Disorder.
Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled to be getting married. But I won't deny that it is a lot of change. Change can be good and change can be hard. What does this have to do with the wedding? Nothing. What does this have to do with getting married? Everything. The wedding is just the party. The marriage is your life. I'm starting a new life. I'm excited to start a new life. But it is a lot of change. And that's why we have weddings, so that we can celebrate the change! I am truely excited. I will be buildng a life with someone I love. And to me, there is no greater joy in life. Who cares about neglected plants and dirty dishes, when you get to fall asleep next to the person that you love at the end of every day. In a year, I'll have forgotten that that I spent so much money on wedding-related things, and that in my adjustment disordered haze I spilled tea on my laptop. I'll be married to a man that I love. And that's all that will matter.
I went to the Apple store on Friday with my dead computer, and the "Apple Genius" (yes that is the person's title on the business card... when did business cards become witty conversation pieces?) suggested that I register for a new computer after I mentioned that I was getting married in a month and my all-important "to-do" list was inside the dead computer. I'm not 100% sure that the computer is dead. But the diagnosis is "Not Good" and I have to wait a week for it to "Dry Out" before even trying to turn it on. When the technician called me later in the day with the report he said, "Peach Tea?" He could smell the tea. It was "Very Wet." So my computer is in the laptop hospital at the Stonestown Mall. On the upside, my harddrive looks okay. They haven't examined every file. But "It Mounts" was the report. Thank goodness my email is all On Line along with my Blog.
I try to be organized. I try to be focused. I try to... Get Things Done. But then, chaos happens. And the momentum is interrupted. And then there is the fact that everything in my life has changed because I am getting married. When you get your marriage license from City Hall they give you a little booklet about having children, getting tested for genetic diseases, the definition of domestic abuse, etc. What they really should give you is a booklet on Adjustment Disorder. Maybe you'll have kids, maybe you won't. Maybe you're a carrier for genetic disease, maybe you aren't. And really, what's the likelihood of ending up in a domestic abuse situation? I guess it happens. But who wants to think about that in the two weeks preceeding their wedding day??? But... I'm convinced that everyone who gets married goes through some kind of adjustment disorder. One day you're sleeping alone, the next day you're not. You move, sell houses, buy houses, change jobs, change careers, give up jobs, start cleaning up someone else's kitchen everyday... you get woken up by the fiance's cranky dog, you forget to water your plants because you are too busy and they die, you spend too much money on the wedding or wedding-related things and go into credit card debt for the first time in 8 years, you can't disappear for 4 hours at the end of the day because someone is waiting for you at dinner time. Everything changes. And often, it changes very quickly. Then you spill tea on your computer. If you spill liquid on your computer in college it's a Party Foul. If you spill liquid on your computer when you're getting married, it's an Adjustment Disorder.
Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled to be getting married. But I won't deny that it is a lot of change. Change can be good and change can be hard. What does this have to do with the wedding? Nothing. What does this have to do with getting married? Everything. The wedding is just the party. The marriage is your life. I'm starting a new life. I'm excited to start a new life. But it is a lot of change. And that's why we have weddings, so that we can celebrate the change! I am truely excited. I will be buildng a life with someone I love. And to me, there is no greater joy in life. Who cares about neglected plants and dirty dishes, when you get to fall asleep next to the person that you love at the end of every day. In a year, I'll have forgotten that that I spent so much money on wedding-related things, and that in my adjustment disordered haze I spilled tea on my laptop. I'll be married to a man that I love. And that's all that will matter.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
China (Not the Country)
I did not think about registering for china. I though about registering for a hot tub... and patio furniture... you know, things that we'd use every single day and enjoy as part of the "fabric of our lives." Why do people register for china... so that their dining table can look impressive once a year?
The fiance assumed that we'd register for china. His childhood home had china. His home with his first wife had china (he even pointed out their pattern when we were at Gumps). I did not grow up with china. My parents received silver flatware for their wedding in 1961 and never added to the collection nor did they use it even once. And they certainly never ate off of china. I'm not even sure if they have any. My parents are "casual," with a capital "C." My maternal grandmother had china, three sets in fact. But I do not recall ever eating off of it. My maternal grandparents did host formal Thanksgivings in an impressive dining room that probably sat at least twelve. But I never sat in the dining room. Until the ripe old age of 26 or maybe even 27 years, I sat at the "kids table" (read: no china) at Thanksgiving. There were too many adults from the elder generations present for me to be able to sit at the "china table." And if someone from my generation was invited to sit in the dining room for a Thanksgiving meal, it was probably my brother who was the eldest of our generation. So I have lead a china-less life. Why bother starting now?
When my maternal grandmother passed away her china was boxed up and is currently sitting in the boxes at my parents house. So when I mentioned "china" to my mother, she said "take it." I kind of liked the idea of simply inheriting my grandmother's china. I looked at photos of the china that were emailed to me and picked one of the patterns. My mother also offered up the silver. So I was All Set. I had china AND silver.
Then we went to Bloomingdales.
While at Bloomingdales we looked at crystal which was the only thing that I was not inheriting. I picked out a crystal pattern. And we also looked at the china. Looking at china is overwhleming. There are a million patterns, a million styles: traditional, modern, avante guarde, country, retro, old-lady... you name it. I loved them and hated them all at the same time. It is a cornicopia of visual mishegass. I couldn't choose a pattern if I had to. Thank goodness I didn't have to.
Later I started looking at china patterns online. I don't know why. I guess I started looking at them because china (not the country...) had suddenly entered my awareness. I had previously never given china a second thought. But when you get married, you register for china. The fiance mentioned a couple times that his mother's friends had asked what our pattern is. Our pattern? Our pattern is a seven thousand dollar hot tub... that's our pattern. Or how about some teak patio furniture from Crate&Barel.
At Bloomingdales we put together a place setting. We tried to find a pattern in the store that closely matched the pattern I was inheriting. I am getting Mikasa bone china A5-166 Solitude from my grandmother. You can look up a photo online. It is very basic. A silver outer band with a black inner band. It is not terribly exciting, but it will go with a lot of things. The other two patterns to choose from were florals that the fiance did not particularly like. So I chose this one. Interstingly enough, the china isn't really worth anything. I think you can buy replacement pieces online for like five dollars a plate. Unlike silver, I guess china patterns change, and don't really hold their value over time.
Then the fiance suggested that we register for a charger to go under the Mikasa Solitude china pattern. Something to "spice it up." What is a charger you ask? I had never heard of a "charger" before he suggested getting a set. No, it is not the thing that you plug your cell phone into at night. It is a very large plate, that acts as sort of a placemat. It sits under all of the other plates, and as the dinner courses come and go, the "charger" stays. You never eat off of the charger. So it is a plate, that never touches any food. It is purely for design. Excellent! This is just my thing. An item that looks like it is supposed to be functional, but in fact its only function is to look good. Who's idea was that?
I gave the charger some thought. Maybe the fiance was right. I should choose something that would bring a little bit of "me" into the design of the table. It is fun and meaningful to inherit items, but then it is also nice if the formal wear reflects your personality as well - that is, if you are going to use formal china. The charger seemed like a good compromise. I could bring a little bit of "me" into the table design, but still use my grandmother's china, which held meaning for me. So I looked at charger patterns online and I picked one. I picked the JL Coquet Khazard Platinum pattern, because it is gorgeous. It is not retro, not modern, and not old-lady china. I don't know how to describe the style, except "gorgeous." I added 12 "chargers" in this pattern to the registry. It is a platinum design so it should coordinate perfectly with the Mikasa Solitude.
Later the fiance and I went to Gumps. He insisted that I at least look at Gumps. While at Gumps we had a chance to look at the JL Coquet Khazard Platinum charger. I also happened to notice the price. In fact, the sales person actually pointed out the price and said that he didn't recommend that people register for chargers in this pattern, because you can buy the entire place setting in this pattern for less than the cost of the charger. The chargers are $365 (each!). At Bloomingdales, were we are actually registered, they had a temporary sale so they were momentarily $310 (each!). So if you own 12 of these chargers, you own approximately four thousand to four thousand five hundred dollars worth of dishes that you never eat off of. Who's idea was this? I removed the chargers from the registry. It's not that I wouldn't love to have these chargers. But I can't quite wrap my head around owning four thousand dollars worth of dishes that I will never eat off of. However, I did add the regular JL Coquet Khazard Platinum place setting on to the registry. So now, suddenly, I was registering for china. I fell in love with the pattern. If you look at this pattern in the light of the Gumps showroom, the platinum looks iridescent. It is amazing. And the design works perfectly with the crystal pattern that I picked. And, as intended, it will coordiate with the Mikasa as well. And I now understand that what you are supposed to do is add to the collection over time. So maybe you get three place settings for the wedding. Then for anniversaries you get more. It's a like a hobby, or better yet... a lifestyle.
And that is the interesting conclusion that I came to recently. China is a lifestyle. Some people have it, some don't. Some use it, some don't. Chosing to own china is like choosing a lifestyle. Are you going to host formal dinners? If you host formal dinners, do you want your table to look a certain way? Will you have friends over to eat, or will you always go out? Do you even have a dining room table in your house or apartment? I know people in San Francisco, who don't even have a dining room table, because that room has given way to the more urgent need for a home office. People need an office more than they need a dining room these days. In fact currently, my office IS my finace's dining room table. I clear off my junk every time we have people over. It's a transitional thing... but it is an interesting statement about lifestyle. There was a time when women were primarily concerned with preparing and serving food. The women I know today, care more about their laptop computers than serving food... hence the dining room table that is used as an office desk.
Another interesting point that my fiance made in the context of the china discussion was the fact that he wanted to create memories for our children. Having regular meals every day as well as special meals on nice china would be an important part of creating a "home" and creating memories for our children. And using the china would help to make each holiday "special." I couldn't argue with that.
People do talk about how china can become something that just sits around in boxes and is a pain the rear end to store and move. Other people talk about how the china becomes a special thing that is used for special occasions and therefore holds special significance. It is a lifestyle choice. And here I had to choose a lifestyle. Would I be the person who rejected the china in favor of a hot tub and always ate off of ten dollar glass plates from Crate&Barel? Or would I be the person who wanted to make holidays "special?" I could see myself as both. But I knew that my fiance had a clear preference for the special significance of using china, and I fell in love with the new pattern that I found.
The JL Coquet Khazard Platinum looks perfect with the Mikasa Solitude, except for one small detail. The Coquet is all porcelin and the Mikasa is bone china. So? Porcelin and bone china look different. Porcelin is slightly translucent and bone china is completely opaque. So the whites do not match. Of course there would be some detail like this, that would prevent my plan from working. I fell in love with the idea of mixing the Mikasa and the Coquet. Use the Coquet dinner plate with a Mikasa salad plate on top. I ultimately decided that I didn't care about the difference in the whites. I would find a way to make it work.
I am now very excited about the china. I even registered for the creamer and sugar bowl in the Coquet Khazard Platinum pattern. I'm still interested in the hot tub and the patio furniture. And I'm sure we will aquire those things over time. But I guess that deep down I am a traditionalist. And thus I ultimately chose to register for the china. I really do care about how the dining room table looks when we have people over. I never knew that I would, until we started having people over. A few days ago we had my parents over. And my finace pulled out some wooden placemats and the colored cloth napkins. I'm not sure that my parents noticed or cared. But I noticed. And I thought that it was a very nice touch.
So here's to a lifetime of creating memories with a very nice looking dinner table; the perfect mix of my style as well as something sentimental. I am so excited, I will finally get to eat in the dining room with the china. I only had to wait 37 years. Let me know when you'd like to come over for dinner. I'm not waiting until Thanksgiving to use the china.
The fiance assumed that we'd register for china. His childhood home had china. His home with his first wife had china (he even pointed out their pattern when we were at Gumps). I did not grow up with china. My parents received silver flatware for their wedding in 1961 and never added to the collection nor did they use it even once. And they certainly never ate off of china. I'm not even sure if they have any. My parents are "casual," with a capital "C." My maternal grandmother had china, three sets in fact. But I do not recall ever eating off of it. My maternal grandparents did host formal Thanksgivings in an impressive dining room that probably sat at least twelve. But I never sat in the dining room. Until the ripe old age of 26 or maybe even 27 years, I sat at the "kids table" (read: no china) at Thanksgiving. There were too many adults from the elder generations present for me to be able to sit at the "china table." And if someone from my generation was invited to sit in the dining room for a Thanksgiving meal, it was probably my brother who was the eldest of our generation. So I have lead a china-less life. Why bother starting now?
When my maternal grandmother passed away her china was boxed up and is currently sitting in the boxes at my parents house. So when I mentioned "china" to my mother, she said "take it." I kind of liked the idea of simply inheriting my grandmother's china. I looked at photos of the china that were emailed to me and picked one of the patterns. My mother also offered up the silver. So I was All Set. I had china AND silver.
Then we went to Bloomingdales.
While at Bloomingdales we looked at crystal which was the only thing that I was not inheriting. I picked out a crystal pattern. And we also looked at the china. Looking at china is overwhleming. There are a million patterns, a million styles: traditional, modern, avante guarde, country, retro, old-lady... you name it. I loved them and hated them all at the same time. It is a cornicopia of visual mishegass. I couldn't choose a pattern if I had to. Thank goodness I didn't have to.
Later I started looking at china patterns online. I don't know why. I guess I started looking at them because china (not the country...) had suddenly entered my awareness. I had previously never given china a second thought. But when you get married, you register for china. The fiance mentioned a couple times that his mother's friends had asked what our pattern is. Our pattern? Our pattern is a seven thousand dollar hot tub... that's our pattern. Or how about some teak patio furniture from Crate&Barel.
At Bloomingdales we put together a place setting. We tried to find a pattern in the store that closely matched the pattern I was inheriting. I am getting Mikasa bone china A5-166 Solitude from my grandmother. You can look up a photo online. It is very basic. A silver outer band with a black inner band. It is not terribly exciting, but it will go with a lot of things. The other two patterns to choose from were florals that the fiance did not particularly like. So I chose this one. Interstingly enough, the china isn't really worth anything. I think you can buy replacement pieces online for like five dollars a plate. Unlike silver, I guess china patterns change, and don't really hold their value over time.
Then the fiance suggested that we register for a charger to go under the Mikasa Solitude china pattern. Something to "spice it up." What is a charger you ask? I had never heard of a "charger" before he suggested getting a set. No, it is not the thing that you plug your cell phone into at night. It is a very large plate, that acts as sort of a placemat. It sits under all of the other plates, and as the dinner courses come and go, the "charger" stays. You never eat off of the charger. So it is a plate, that never touches any food. It is purely for design. Excellent! This is just my thing. An item that looks like it is supposed to be functional, but in fact its only function is to look good. Who's idea was that?
I gave the charger some thought. Maybe the fiance was right. I should choose something that would bring a little bit of "me" into the design of the table. It is fun and meaningful to inherit items, but then it is also nice if the formal wear reflects your personality as well - that is, if you are going to use formal china. The charger seemed like a good compromise. I could bring a little bit of "me" into the table design, but still use my grandmother's china, which held meaning for me. So I looked at charger patterns online and I picked one. I picked the JL Coquet Khazard Platinum pattern, because it is gorgeous. It is not retro, not modern, and not old-lady china. I don't know how to describe the style, except "gorgeous." I added 12 "chargers" in this pattern to the registry. It is a platinum design so it should coordinate perfectly with the Mikasa Solitude.
Later the fiance and I went to Gumps. He insisted that I at least look at Gumps. While at Gumps we had a chance to look at the JL Coquet Khazard Platinum charger. I also happened to notice the price. In fact, the sales person actually pointed out the price and said that he didn't recommend that people register for chargers in this pattern, because you can buy the entire place setting in this pattern for less than the cost of the charger. The chargers are $365 (each!). At Bloomingdales, were we are actually registered, they had a temporary sale so they were momentarily $310 (each!). So if you own 12 of these chargers, you own approximately four thousand to four thousand five hundred dollars worth of dishes that you never eat off of. Who's idea was this? I removed the chargers from the registry. It's not that I wouldn't love to have these chargers. But I can't quite wrap my head around owning four thousand dollars worth of dishes that I will never eat off of. However, I did add the regular JL Coquet Khazard Platinum place setting on to the registry. So now, suddenly, I was registering for china. I fell in love with the pattern. If you look at this pattern in the light of the Gumps showroom, the platinum looks iridescent. It is amazing. And the design works perfectly with the crystal pattern that I picked. And, as intended, it will coordiate with the Mikasa as well. And I now understand that what you are supposed to do is add to the collection over time. So maybe you get three place settings for the wedding. Then for anniversaries you get more. It's a like a hobby, or better yet... a lifestyle.
And that is the interesting conclusion that I came to recently. China is a lifestyle. Some people have it, some don't. Some use it, some don't. Chosing to own china is like choosing a lifestyle. Are you going to host formal dinners? If you host formal dinners, do you want your table to look a certain way? Will you have friends over to eat, or will you always go out? Do you even have a dining room table in your house or apartment? I know people in San Francisco, who don't even have a dining room table, because that room has given way to the more urgent need for a home office. People need an office more than they need a dining room these days. In fact currently, my office IS my finace's dining room table. I clear off my junk every time we have people over. It's a transitional thing... but it is an interesting statement about lifestyle. There was a time when women were primarily concerned with preparing and serving food. The women I know today, care more about their laptop computers than serving food... hence the dining room table that is used as an office desk.
Another interesting point that my fiance made in the context of the china discussion was the fact that he wanted to create memories for our children. Having regular meals every day as well as special meals on nice china would be an important part of creating a "home" and creating memories for our children. And using the china would help to make each holiday "special." I couldn't argue with that.
People do talk about how china can become something that just sits around in boxes and is a pain the rear end to store and move. Other people talk about how the china becomes a special thing that is used for special occasions and therefore holds special significance. It is a lifestyle choice. And here I had to choose a lifestyle. Would I be the person who rejected the china in favor of a hot tub and always ate off of ten dollar glass plates from Crate&Barel? Or would I be the person who wanted to make holidays "special?" I could see myself as both. But I knew that my fiance had a clear preference for the special significance of using china, and I fell in love with the new pattern that I found.
The JL Coquet Khazard Platinum looks perfect with the Mikasa Solitude, except for one small detail. The Coquet is all porcelin and the Mikasa is bone china. So? Porcelin and bone china look different. Porcelin is slightly translucent and bone china is completely opaque. So the whites do not match. Of course there would be some detail like this, that would prevent my plan from working. I fell in love with the idea of mixing the Mikasa and the Coquet. Use the Coquet dinner plate with a Mikasa salad plate on top. I ultimately decided that I didn't care about the difference in the whites. I would find a way to make it work.
I am now very excited about the china. I even registered for the creamer and sugar bowl in the Coquet Khazard Platinum pattern. I'm still interested in the hot tub and the patio furniture. And I'm sure we will aquire those things over time. But I guess that deep down I am a traditionalist. And thus I ultimately chose to register for the china. I really do care about how the dining room table looks when we have people over. I never knew that I would, until we started having people over. A few days ago we had my parents over. And my finace pulled out some wooden placemats and the colored cloth napkins. I'm not sure that my parents noticed or cared. But I noticed. And I thought that it was a very nice touch.
So here's to a lifetime of creating memories with a very nice looking dinner table; the perfect mix of my style as well as something sentimental. I am so excited, I will finally get to eat in the dining room with the china. I only had to wait 37 years. Let me know when you'd like to come over for dinner. I'm not waiting until Thanksgiving to use the china.
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