Details

If there is one thing that I've learned in the past five months, it is that I am EXCELLENT at managing the details. In fact, that is all I do. I just... manage details.

My fiance is a "Big Picture" person. I used to think that I was a Big Picture person... until I decided to plan a wedding. Yesterday someone at a graduation reception told me that she was now planning her neice's wedding. She asked me about our location. And off the top of my head I was able to rattle off EVERY benefit and deficit of that location: number of people it accomodates, how much you have to pay to extend the space, hours of operation, how far ahead it books for a Saturday vs. a Sunday, pros and cons of the in-house caterer, the list of "approved" caterers other than the in-house caterer, approximately how much more it costs to use someone other than the in-house caterer and why, ceremony options and how much they cost, the fact that you can now rent the entire museum for a particular fee and exactly what that fee is, what the weather is like at that location at various times of the year, and fourty more minute details that you probably don't care to hear about. All of that is in my head. Can you believe it? I can't believe it.

When did I become this detail-oriented? I'm like a Detail Genious. It is as if my response to change and life stress is to track details. Sometimes I impress myself with the level of minutia that I am able to extract out of my brain.

Then my fiance tells me that he is hungry and he wants to go out and get lunch. But I refuse to go with him, because (a) I'm not hungry (b) I'm not dressed to go out and (c) I'm tracking details. I made a new "To Do List" today. I think it was To-Do List Number Twenty-Five... or something like that.

So, it has become clear to me that I need to go to "Big Picture School." You know, the place where they teach you high-level concepts and discuss abstract thinking. My friend Lia had a great tactic that she used when she was planning her wedding and getting married. She just kept thinking that at the end of her wedding day she would Be Married. And nothing else mattered. She has an excellent perspective. I, on the otherhand, completely lack perspective. I seek perfection in a chaotic world. I seek order and control from people who want me to "go with the flow." I had a therapist tell me that she thought I should take Ativan on the day of the wedding. She's probably right.

I need to go to yoga class and meditate... but I have to make the place cards, print names on the place card envelopes, make and print menus, decide if I'm making a ceremony program, and oh yeah... maybe I should get dressed at some point today...