Lights, Camera, Action!

I did it. I did everything on my to-do list. Actually, I did everything on about 35 different to-do lists. So I'm "Ready"... with a capital R... actually make that all caps. All I have to do is pack my things together. Oh, I guess I should get some cash for tips. And well, the dogs need to get to their respective doggie sitting arrangements. And... what else? It's never done. I always think that projects should have a finite end to them. But they never do. When I told my old boss that I was pretty much ready for the wedding, she said, "Oh that's good, because I really wasn't ready when I got married." But then at the end of the day... you're married all the same. So does it even matter how "ready" you were? Then there are two kinds of "ready" - psychologically ready, and logistically ready. I've always been psychologically ready... no cold feet here. Maybe that's because I'm 37 and my biological clock is probably ticking. But is anyone ever logistically completely ready for a wedding? My bridesmaid and fiance begged me not to make a ceremony program because it was T minus 7 and I needed to relax. I made one anyway. Then there was a typo, and I considered reprinting them... and the fiance begged me not to reprint them. My mother, the professional proofreader, couldn't find the typo... so not reprinting was probably the right choice.

In an effort to get away from all of the "to-dos" and logistics, and the typo in the ceremony progam, I did a Mikvah. The Rabbi suggested it. Then a fairly religious friend of my fiance whom I adore, told the fiance that she was going to try to get me to do a Mikvah. So I figured that a Mikvah was in my future. I haven't been a particularly religious person in my life. But I'll say that doing the Mikvah, which I did yesterday, was a wonderful thing. It was one of the few moments in preparation for the wedding that was entirely about the spiritual and psychological transition. It had nothing to do with the logistics of producing a wedding event. It was about "getting married." It brought my focus inward and allowed me to spend a few magical moments reflecting on the transition and saying some private blessings for this union and my future with John. Religious rituals are what you make of them. If you say they are meaningless, then they are meaningless to you. But if you decide that they hold meaning, then they will become meaningful.

John and I struggle with this all the time. He does not want a chuppah. So we don't have a chuppah. Someone at the Jewish Community Center yesterday said that she'd never seen a Jewish wedding without a Chuppah. So somehow I felt obligated to have one. But John doesn't want one. And I don't want to deal with the logistics of obtaining one, the cost of renting one ($150 from the JCC), or the job of transporting one (the bases for the poles to stand in weigh 20 pounds each). I'm done. This wedding is now up to fate. I can't do one more thing, not even get a last minute chuppah. I didn't originally want a chuppah because I thought it would obstruct the view for the photos, since it's not "designed" into the scene. I want the columns of the courtyard to be the backdrop of our wedding. And actually, I like having the view of the sky. And we are surrounded by art, since it is the courtyard of an art museum. In actuality the art is more meaningful to me than the significance of a chuppah. My life has been and is about design and art. And we already have beautiful design and art in our setting.

It is easy to loose sight of one's personal preferences at times like this. But ultimately a wedding is about 2 people, and only those 2 people. It is not necessarily about religious rituals, family influences, logistic constraints, commercialisim and "rental fees." It is about two individuals coming together to make a third entity, a union that brings two lives together into one. Everything else is gravy.

On Thurday I did a Mikvah. On Friday we are being blessed at the Temple. And then... it begins. I'm so excited. And then, it will all be over so quickly. I guess that's why they invented photography. And better yet, videography. Now it occurrs to me that even though the event is roughly 5 hours long... I have been "getting married" since December 20th. Everything that happens on Sunday is the culmination of the last 6 months of my life, our lives. I have hopes and dreams, but no expectations. Whatever happens will be beautiful. And at the end of the day, we will be married. I wonder if there will ever be another moment in my life when all of these friends and family members will be in the same place together again. I guess that's part of what makes a wedding so special. Everyone comes out to be there for you. It's a wonderful thing. I wish there were more life events that call for such a gathering. We are so lucky to have this moment in time.

A friend asked if I would be continuing the blog post-wedding. And the answer is "yes!" I intend to give insightful reviews of the vendors. Reflections on the event itself. And, of course, notes on the honeymoon. So if you have enjoyed the blog - stay tunned!