Thursday, September 13, 2007

Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Changes...

I'm back. From everything. From the best day of my life (the wedding day!), from the honeymoon in France, from a 3-month blog-writing haitus...

I wonder if anyone still reads this...

When you get married, everything changes. If you like change, that's a good thing. If you hate change, well, get ready for a hairy ride... I'm somewhere in the middle, but probably a little closer to the not-so-fond-of big change camp. My house is on the market. I cry about that sometimes. Most of my belongings are in boxes from a fast and haphazard move. So I can't really find anything. I'm a step-mother now, which is both amazing and overwhelming at the same time. Oh yes, and I have a hyphenated last name.

I am not a fan of hypenated last names. They are just annoying... too long, too hard to remember, too difficult to write out... So why hyphenate? I was all set to change my last name. But change is, well, not easy. If I just suddenly switched the name, no one at work would know who I was. Diane who? Then there's all the wasted checks with the wrong last name, every credit card in my wallet..., my direct deposit paperwork, an so on, and so on. My husband bought a plane ticket for me with my "new" last name. However, I don't have a new last name yet. Because...

Before you can officially change your last name, you have to get a certified copy of your marriage certificate. I ordered two of these online over 2 months ago (partly to take a step toward changing my name and partly to just make sure that we were in fact actually married... after all it's just a piece of paper, what if the Rabbi forgot to mail it in???) The certificate never showed up. So I marched down to city hall and waited in line. I told the clerk that I have to get on plane and my husband ordered the ticket in my "new" last name. "When are you getting on this plane?" the clerk asked. I gave her a scowling look in response. After standing there holding up the line for a good 20 minutes she assured me that the two copies I ordered were "in the mail" but gave me a complimentary one just in case. I marveled at the certificate as soon as it was in my hand. All the pomp, all the circumstance, all for this... a piece of paper with some scribbles and a raised seal. It's so easy to get married, in the legal sense. I read the paper over carefully, making sure all of the facts were correct. Then I folded it very neatly in thirds and placed it gingerly next to my passport in a drawer. Now I'm _really_ married. And now the change begins!

John has said to me so many times, "you're going to change your name, aren't you?" Today when I did some registry completion at Bloomingdales, the checker even asked if I was going to change my last name. I said, "I'm hyphenating (for now)." Then I went on to explain how it took an entire 2 months or more just to get my hands on a certified copy of my marriage certificate. You can't even go to social security to change your name until you have that!

The legistics of changing a name are difficult. But it is more than just the legistics. There are emotions involved as well. There is nothing more central to your identity than your name. So changing your name is like changing your identity. I find it odd that John's ex-wife changed everything about herself and her life, except her last name (she still has John's last name). If you want to really be a new person, try changing your name (either the first or the last... or better yet, both). I haven't quite gotten my head around being a new person. And I worry that people won't know who I am. And then, there is the fact that my gmail account name is my first and last (maiden) name. And I can't change my email account. That's just nuts.

So I'm hyphenating... for now. One day, I will drop the hyphen, along with the old name. But today, isn't the day. I don't think that I can sell my house and change my name all in the same week. I'll wake up and wonder, "how did I get here? (think Talking Heads song...).

Change is hard. I have to go to therapy just to deal with that fact. And everything is changing. September 11th just passed. This made me think about where I was and what I was doing exactly 6 years ago. My car is different, my living space, my job, my career, most of my friends and social network, oh yes and my last name... everything. I have the same dog and that's about it. Since then I have bought and remodeled an entire house, acquired a car payment, changed jobs twice, changed boyfriends (more than twice), changed hobbies, gotten married, became a step-mom, put my house on the market, the list never ends. But I have my same dog. Thank goodness for the dog...

Ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, changes... turn and face the strange... ch ch changes...

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