Bloomingdales gave us Schwag.
What is Schwag you ask? There is a great definition of "Schwag" on this page:
http://www.promosapien.ca/Content/What%20Is%20Schwag.asp
At the top of the page it reads, "Promosapien - promotional products for the human race." Read the history of schwag on that page. It's very funny.
If you've ever been to a trade show, you know about schwag. I used to attend SIGGRAPH trade shows, and my house is still full of the outdated schwag from that endeavor.
A few weeks ago the fiance and I headed downtown with the intention of seeing a movie. But the Chinese New Year parade prevented us from reaching the movie theater. Since we were stuck in the South of Market area we dropped in on Bloomingdales, not because we had an appointment to register, just because we were there. I actually had not yet been to the new Bloomingdales. It's amazing. The whole shopping center is amazing. They have curved escalators. Apparently the curved escalators are an engineering feat.
I was secretly excited that we ended up at Bloomingdales that Saturday evening. It was an unanticapted chance to do one more wedding preparation task. I now get very excited when I accomplish wedding preparation tasks.
Because my fiance was married once before, he new all about fine china, silver, and stemware. I have to admit that I may have only heard the term "stemware" once before in my life. In a prior conversation with my mother she said, "You don't want to register for china! It'll just sit in your cupboards and you'll have to lug it around with you whenever you move. We haven't used the silver that we got at our wedding once (and that was like almost 50 years ago....)." On the topic of china my fiance said, "Well, it's a chance to get something nice." And then in a separate conversation he said, "You're the woman of the house. You should decide what you'd like to have for serving guests." I was touched. Sometimes he's so traditional. And I actually find it to be very endearing and cute. Now if only I could convince him that The Woman of the House shouldn't have to work.... nah, that'll never happen. Today the Woman of the House serves formal meals on fine china and then gets on a plane the next day for a business meeting in New York.
Anyway, I digress. Bloomingdales gave us Schwag. We had just enough time in the store to take a quick look at the housewares, peak at the silver pattern that my parents have, have my fiance point out a stemware pattern that he'd registered for the last time around (oh the joys of being a second wife), and to realize that I was going to have to make yet even more choices (see my last blog entry and comments on making choices). Oh yes, and we met very briefly with a "bridal consultant." Her name was Lindsay and she gave me a cute little cosmetics-sized shopping back with a beautiful yellow ribbon for handles. Inside the shopping bag was: her business card, a small spiral bound Registry Guide with lists of suggested items to register for next to neat little check boxes, a registration form, and a twelve inch by twelve inch fancy photo album. What? A photo album? Yes. It is large, cloth covered, has a window in the front to insert a picture, binder rings that open and close, and 30 photo insert pages. At first I was touched. Then I looked at what came before the 30 photo pages: about 50 pages of full color ads for everything from mattresses to the stationary department at Bloomingdales. Schwag. The fiance actually commented on The Schwag, "Wow, it must of cost them at least $20 per item to produce these..." Well, yeah. If you figure that the wedding guests probably spend upwards of three thousand dollars at any one store, I guess Bloomingdales should give us gifts. It's all so commercial. I now feel like I have a billboard sitting on my dining room table. My instinct is to throw out the 50 pages of ads... but then there are some useful hints in those pages like how to choose china... do I care? The Schwag Package is designed to help you make choices, and to cooerce you into spending even more money in the store while doing so. Maybe it will come in handy when we are actually registering. I see here that I should be registering for a Kitchen Aid electric mixer even though I've never baked a cake from scratch in my life.
Apparently in the last 5 or so years, the wedding industry has balooned (at least the commercialism and financial side of it). If I talk to anyone who got married more than 5 years ago, their photographer cost about $2,000. If you search in the bay area for a photographer with a track record and decent reputation today, their minimum fee is $6,000. What is that, a 300% increase in 5 years? It does seem to follow the appreciation rates of bay area housing. If you bought a house in San Francisco in 2002 for $400k it's now worth $650k. Actually, I think the photographers are doing better than the housing.
The cute little yellow Bloomingdale's Schwag Bag sort of lives on top of the buffet (at least until we are done registering). And whenever I see it sitting there I think, "Schwag. They gave us Schwag." I don't now whether to feel burdened or flattered.
Now that I think about it, Bloomingdales should give us some Waterford Crystal, not Schwag. Like frequent flyer miles. You should get 20 purchase points towards "free stuff" for every gift that is bought from your registry. So at the end when you are missing those 3 coffee cups and 5 desert plates that were not purchased, Bloomingdales just gives it to you for free out of your "frequent buyer" account miles, I mean points. Now that would make me want to register at Bloomingdales.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Etiquette Schmetiquette
Item number Five Thousend One Hundred and Tweny Four on the master To Do List is:
- Figure out the invitation wording
It's harder than you think. On my fourth visit to the stationery store in the Gift Center there was another bride who was trying to do this (by herself) on the spot. I had known enough to plan ahead and figure that out before even going to the store. I had it all typed up (I was so proud of myself!). So I handed her my invitation wording. But my invitation has my parents inviting the guests... in their case, the couple is inviting the guests. So you can't use the same wording. She called her fiance on the cell phone, "Alex, do you want your parents' names on the invitation???" This is just the beginning. Planning a wedding is all about making choices. Approximately Five Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Four choices, give or take Two Million.
It took me a full week to figure out the wording on the invitation. And I learned some interesting things in the process. I did not anticipate the complexities. In general, you can just put "whatever you want." But I just had a good friend ask me via email, "What should we wear to So and So's wedding?" The couple did not indicate the preferred attire anywhere in their invitation package. Nor did they indicate whether or not I could bring a guest (nor was my fiance's name on the invite). If you do it right, your guests are ideally not left with a bunch of important questions. The other reason that I wanted to research the topic is because I am getting married in the evening at a Museum. So a certain level of formality (or atleast respect for the facility) is expected.
So I researched it. Did you know that "request the honour of your presence" is only to be used when the wedding is in a house of worship? If it is in a secular location you are to write "request(s) the pleasure of your company." I hate to say it, but "request(s) the pleasure of your company" kind of sounds like you are inviting people to a love-fest (read: orgy - if you want to be truely honest about it...) But that's the etiquette rule. If you really want, you can say "request(s) the honour of your company." But that does not sound as good as "honour of your presence." And realistically, if you have 150 people at the wedding, you're asking for their presence. You probably won't have enough time, with all of those people there, to enjoy everyone's company. But they will still be present, which is what matters. Semantics.
Oh yes, and you can spell "honor" as "honour." With the "u" is the more formal spelling. My parents hated it. They thought "honour" was too stuffy. You can do it either way. But you have to be consistent when you write "favor" or "favour of a reply" on the response cards.
And if you are going to be truely formal, you use your parents titles (Mr. Mrs. etc.). Well my parents are Doctor and Honorable. They did not want their titles. Too stuffy. So we put their first names.
And! Apparently in Jewish weddings sometimes the bride and groom's names are connected with an "and" instead of a "to." Mary Jane "to" John Doe Smith or Mary Jane "and" John Doe Smith. It's a little thing. But it's choice number Five Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Five. And? or To?
Oh yes! Then... I was going to set the arrival time for 5:45 pm. That is what it says on our Save the Date cards. But, you are not supposed to write numerals on the actual invitation. Everything is spelled out. So, it usally says "at five o'clock in the evening." Or "at half past five in the evening." I wanted to write 5:45. So, is it "five fourty-five in the evening?" Or is it "A quarter TO six?" Or "At quarter OF six?" Three-quarters past five??? This was actually a twenty minute conversation with my parents. Then it was another twenty minute conversation with my fiance's mother who teaches English. Each person I consulted had a different answer. My parents said, "at quarter to six" (or maybe they said quarter OF six... now I can't remember...). My future Mother in Law said five fourty-five. AND, I could not find the answer to this question anywhere on the Internet. I spent more than an hour looking for the answer to this specific question. It's not that it was THAT important, but I just wanted to know. After much thought I settled on five fourty-five. When I submitted my text to the owner of the stationary store, he told me that in his 20 years of experience in the business he had not written :45 on an invitation more than a handful of times. It's just not done. Whowouldathought? So after all the investigation, I changed it to half past five anyway. The coordinator thought I should set it for six, but then admitted that she's always prompt. My mother thought we should set it for half past five thinking that people would be looking for the mis-placed gift or getting lost on their way to the location. I opted for my mother's level of caution. It's a park. The view is gorgeous. People can hang out for an extra 15 minutes.
Additionally, you are not supposed to put the attire on the invite itself. That is because in Victorian times, everyone KNEW what they were supposed to wear. Today, it's mass chaos. And it's even worse if you live in California (Who ever said that casual was better?). My mother told me today that she has to buy a dress for my wedding. What? People don't own simple cocktail dresses? We set the attire as "Black Tie Optional or Semi-Formal Attire." So it's: wear something nice and decent but don't knock yourself out if you don't want to. Now people are stressed about what they are going to wear? Oy vey. I wanted a day time wedding... because I like the sunlight. But the museum doesn't do daytime weddings. And the fiance liked the idea of the more formal event. Okay. You all have to go buy a dress now. Sorry. Guys: wear a tie. Oh, yes... I came across a new term in my research: Creative Black Tie. Look it up. I almost put that on the invitation. Because I liked the way it sounded. And because I am creative. And I think it should be okay for people to wear a tux with a black shirt and no tie. Why not? It's still dressy. Well one of my bridesmaids who plans events for a living said that sometimes people interpret that as "Costume Okay." I don't want costumes. So I took it off. My mother said that it was just as well, because people wouldn't know what it meant anyway.
Why do all of the rules exist, if no one knows what they mean? Why have rules, if people won't follow them anyway? Why care about etiquette when people don't even know what the etiquette is?
Do you know why wedding invitations often come with double envelopes? In Victorian times, the mail was carried on horse back. So the outer envelope got dirty. Additionally, a servent usually removed the outer envelope before presenting the mail to the man or woman of the house. Today an inner envelope allows you to indicate that a single person may bring a guest. It is apparently not kosher to write "and Guest" on the outer envelope... according to etiquette. So you write: "Ms. Jane Doe" on the outer envelope, and "Ms. Doe and Guest" on the inner envelope. What's a bride to do sans inner envelope? Go against etiquette and dirty up the outer envelope or call every single guest to explain that they can bring a friend? Who decided anyway that "and Guest" was improper on the outer envelope? I read somewhere that supposedly the post office doesn't like "and Guest" on the outer envelope, which makes absolutely no sense.
And what about that pesky piece of tissue paper? In earlier times, the ink on the invitations would smear on to the adjacent paper pieces. So layers of tissue were inserted to prevent the ink from smudging.
Why do we use two envelopes and tissue paper today? Apparently because people haven't realized that the modern post office hasn't delivered more than one piece of soiled mail in thirty years and because they think that the printing process hasn't advanced at all in the past 100 years. My invitations have one envelope and no tissue.
It took me no less than FIVE visits to the stationary store to complete the invitation ordering process. I had to chose a style. Papers. Ink color. Font style. Layout. Enclosures. At home I typed up everthing and even made an exact layout of what the front cover should look like with the names, date and illustration. They got it wrong in the proofs, of course - despite my meticulous notes and visual aids. Why do I care so much? I don't know. Maybe I really want to be an event planner. I just care. I don't know why. I agonized of over the exact paper choice when our first choice was no longer available. I cared. Immensly.
I studied theater design for 7 years. A large wedding is a theater production. You have costumes, sets, and just yesterday I called Impact and Phoebus - two bay area lighting companies. You have to light the rooms. The space only comes with can lights in the ceiling. We talked colors, angles, gels, patterns. Seven years of college level training... so that I could produce a wedding. I'm trying to imagine whether the men can wear only the dark red fabric of the bridesmaid's dresses as a pocket square or whether the ties and cumberbunds or vests should be the same color. Right now I'm leaning towards dark red pocket squares and silver ties/cumberbunds/vests. Michael at Black Tie Tuxedo thinks that everything should be black. I didn't study costume design for SEVEN YEARS to make everything black!!! I care because it is my art. Are weddings art? They can be.
The invitation is a passion. The colors, the wording, the papers. I hired a calligrapher. I found one on Craigslist for a very reasonable rate. You just care, when it is a passion.
So my inviation wording is a mix of formality and personal touch. First names are used and "honor" is spelled in the American way. It's a Jewish wedding so I chose "and" instead of "to." We are not in a house of worship... but I put "honor of your presence." It just sounds right. Everything else, is traditional. I can now open an invitation etiquette consultation business.
- Figure out the invitation wording
It's harder than you think. On my fourth visit to the stationery store in the Gift Center there was another bride who was trying to do this (by herself) on the spot. I had known enough to plan ahead and figure that out before even going to the store. I had it all typed up (I was so proud of myself!). So I handed her my invitation wording. But my invitation has my parents inviting the guests... in their case, the couple is inviting the guests. So you can't use the same wording. She called her fiance on the cell phone, "Alex, do you want your parents' names on the invitation???" This is just the beginning. Planning a wedding is all about making choices. Approximately Five Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Four choices, give or take Two Million.
It took me a full week to figure out the wording on the invitation. And I learned some interesting things in the process. I did not anticipate the complexities. In general, you can just put "whatever you want." But I just had a good friend ask me via email, "What should we wear to So and So's wedding?" The couple did not indicate the preferred attire anywhere in their invitation package. Nor did they indicate whether or not I could bring a guest (nor was my fiance's name on the invite). If you do it right, your guests are ideally not left with a bunch of important questions. The other reason that I wanted to research the topic is because I am getting married in the evening at a Museum. So a certain level of formality (or atleast respect for the facility) is expected.
So I researched it. Did you know that "request the honour of your presence" is only to be used when the wedding is in a house of worship? If it is in a secular location you are to write "request(s) the pleasure of your company." I hate to say it, but "request(s) the pleasure of your company" kind of sounds like you are inviting people to a love-fest (read: orgy - if you want to be truely honest about it...) But that's the etiquette rule. If you really want, you can say "request(s) the honour of your company." But that does not sound as good as "honour of your presence." And realistically, if you have 150 people at the wedding, you're asking for their presence. You probably won't have enough time, with all of those people there, to enjoy everyone's company. But they will still be present, which is what matters. Semantics.
Oh yes, and you can spell "honor" as "honour." With the "u" is the more formal spelling. My parents hated it. They thought "honour" was too stuffy. You can do it either way. But you have to be consistent when you write "favor" or "favour of a reply" on the response cards.
And if you are going to be truely formal, you use your parents titles (Mr. Mrs. etc.). Well my parents are Doctor and Honorable. They did not want their titles. Too stuffy. So we put their first names.
And! Apparently in Jewish weddings sometimes the bride and groom's names are connected with an "and" instead of a "to." Mary Jane "to" John Doe Smith or Mary Jane "and" John Doe Smith. It's a little thing. But it's choice number Five Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Five. And? or To?
Oh yes! Then... I was going to set the arrival time for 5:45 pm. That is what it says on our Save the Date cards. But, you are not supposed to write numerals on the actual invitation. Everything is spelled out. So, it usally says "at five o'clock in the evening." Or "at half past five in the evening." I wanted to write 5:45. So, is it "five fourty-five in the evening?" Or is it "A quarter TO six?" Or "At quarter OF six?" Three-quarters past five??? This was actually a twenty minute conversation with my parents. Then it was another twenty minute conversation with my fiance's mother who teaches English. Each person I consulted had a different answer. My parents said, "at quarter to six" (or maybe they said quarter OF six... now I can't remember...). My future Mother in Law said five fourty-five. AND, I could not find the answer to this question anywhere on the Internet. I spent more than an hour looking for the answer to this specific question. It's not that it was THAT important, but I just wanted to know. After much thought I settled on five fourty-five. When I submitted my text to the owner of the stationary store, he told me that in his 20 years of experience in the business he had not written :45 on an invitation more than a handful of times. It's just not done. Whowouldathought? So after all the investigation, I changed it to half past five anyway. The coordinator thought I should set it for six, but then admitted that she's always prompt. My mother thought we should set it for half past five thinking that people would be looking for the mis-placed gift or getting lost on their way to the location. I opted for my mother's level of caution. It's a park. The view is gorgeous. People can hang out for an extra 15 minutes.
Additionally, you are not supposed to put the attire on the invite itself. That is because in Victorian times, everyone KNEW what they were supposed to wear. Today, it's mass chaos. And it's even worse if you live in California (Who ever said that casual was better?). My mother told me today that she has to buy a dress for my wedding. What? People don't own simple cocktail dresses? We set the attire as "Black Tie Optional or Semi-Formal Attire." So it's: wear something nice and decent but don't knock yourself out if you don't want to. Now people are stressed about what they are going to wear? Oy vey. I wanted a day time wedding... because I like the sunlight. But the museum doesn't do daytime weddings. And the fiance liked the idea of the more formal event. Okay. You all have to go buy a dress now. Sorry. Guys: wear a tie. Oh, yes... I came across a new term in my research: Creative Black Tie. Look it up. I almost put that on the invitation. Because I liked the way it sounded. And because I am creative. And I think it should be okay for people to wear a tux with a black shirt and no tie. Why not? It's still dressy. Well one of my bridesmaids who plans events for a living said that sometimes people interpret that as "Costume Okay." I don't want costumes. So I took it off. My mother said that it was just as well, because people wouldn't know what it meant anyway.
Why do all of the rules exist, if no one knows what they mean? Why have rules, if people won't follow them anyway? Why care about etiquette when people don't even know what the etiquette is?
Do you know why wedding invitations often come with double envelopes? In Victorian times, the mail was carried on horse back. So the outer envelope got dirty. Additionally, a servent usually removed the outer envelope before presenting the mail to the man or woman of the house. Today an inner envelope allows you to indicate that a single person may bring a guest. It is apparently not kosher to write "and Guest" on the outer envelope... according to etiquette. So you write: "Ms. Jane Doe" on the outer envelope, and "Ms. Doe and Guest" on the inner envelope. What's a bride to do sans inner envelope? Go against etiquette and dirty up the outer envelope or call every single guest to explain that they can bring a friend? Who decided anyway that "and Guest" was improper on the outer envelope? I read somewhere that supposedly the post office doesn't like "and Guest" on the outer envelope, which makes absolutely no sense.
And what about that pesky piece of tissue paper? In earlier times, the ink on the invitations would smear on to the adjacent paper pieces. So layers of tissue were inserted to prevent the ink from smudging.
Why do we use two envelopes and tissue paper today? Apparently because people haven't realized that the modern post office hasn't delivered more than one piece of soiled mail in thirty years and because they think that the printing process hasn't advanced at all in the past 100 years. My invitations have one envelope and no tissue.
It took me no less than FIVE visits to the stationary store to complete the invitation ordering process. I had to chose a style. Papers. Ink color. Font style. Layout. Enclosures. At home I typed up everthing and even made an exact layout of what the front cover should look like with the names, date and illustration. They got it wrong in the proofs, of course - despite my meticulous notes and visual aids. Why do I care so much? I don't know. Maybe I really want to be an event planner. I just care. I don't know why. I agonized of over the exact paper choice when our first choice was no longer available. I cared. Immensly.
I studied theater design for 7 years. A large wedding is a theater production. You have costumes, sets, and just yesterday I called Impact and Phoebus - two bay area lighting companies. You have to light the rooms. The space only comes with can lights in the ceiling. We talked colors, angles, gels, patterns. Seven years of college level training... so that I could produce a wedding. I'm trying to imagine whether the men can wear only the dark red fabric of the bridesmaid's dresses as a pocket square or whether the ties and cumberbunds or vests should be the same color. Right now I'm leaning towards dark red pocket squares and silver ties/cumberbunds/vests. Michael at Black Tie Tuxedo thinks that everything should be black. I didn't study costume design for SEVEN YEARS to make everything black!!! I care because it is my art. Are weddings art? They can be.
The invitation is a passion. The colors, the wording, the papers. I hired a calligrapher. I found one on Craigslist for a very reasonable rate. You just care, when it is a passion.
So my inviation wording is a mix of formality and personal touch. First names are used and "honor" is spelled in the American way. It's a Jewish wedding so I chose "and" instead of "to." We are not in a house of worship... but I put "honor of your presence." It just sounds right. Everything else, is traditional. I can now open an invitation etiquette consultation business.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Three Months To Go!
The wedding is exactly 3 months from today.
Everyday people say to me, "What else needs to be done? You've taken care of all the major things. There isn't that much more to do is there?" Or some variation of one of these sentiments.
Here's the To-Do list that I created this mornning of items that really have to happen this week:
- Send the security deposit for the location
- Find a Rabbi
- Send my shower invite list to the person planning the shower
- Update the website
- Organize all of my papers, contracts, and receipts (which are spread across 4 different folders and are stored in no logical order)
- Send a deposit check and signed contract to the musicians
- Make decisions on the food
- Schedule a tasting of the food
- Tuxedo shop appointment for the groom
- Shop for men's accessories (ties, vests, cumberbunds) in silver
- Make decision on favors
- Follow up on final proof for invitations
- Pick up flower girl dress
- Start registration process
So, no. I'm not almost done. In fact we haven't even made a choice on the caterer, or the exact food. Nor have we registered. We've put off registering like 5 different times because of long to-do lists, and busy schedules. So, we'll have a wedding with no gifts. Maybe that is okay.
Now, I did go to yoga, workout twice, lift weights, and arrange for two separate doggie play dates this past week. So I guess life is good. You can only do so much planning at one time.
Everyday people say to me, "What else needs to be done? You've taken care of all the major things. There isn't that much more to do is there?" Or some variation of one of these sentiments.
Here's the To-Do list that I created this mornning of items that really have to happen this week:
- Send the security deposit for the location
- Find a Rabbi
- Send my shower invite list to the person planning the shower
- Update the website
- Organize all of my papers, contracts, and receipts (which are spread across 4 different folders and are stored in no logical order)
- Send a deposit check and signed contract to the musicians
- Make decisions on the food
- Schedule a tasting of the food
- Tuxedo shop appointment for the groom
- Shop for men's accessories (ties, vests, cumberbunds) in silver
- Make decision on favors
- Follow up on final proof for invitations
- Pick up flower girl dress
- Start registration process
So, no. I'm not almost done. In fact we haven't even made a choice on the caterer, or the exact food. Nor have we registered. We've put off registering like 5 different times because of long to-do lists, and busy schedules. So, we'll have a wedding with no gifts. Maybe that is okay.
Now, I did go to yoga, workout twice, lift weights, and arrange for two separate doggie play dates this past week. So I guess life is good. You can only do so much planning at one time.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
The Cycle of Life
The Rabbi died today. The one that was supposed to marry us in approximately three and a half months. Or maybe it was yesterday. I'm not sure exactly when. My fiancés mother phoned to give us the news today. At the end of the conversation my fiancé said, "So does this mean that he isn't going to marry us?"
Well, he was in his 80s. So it's not like we didn't know that this was a possiblity. At least it didn't happen the day before or even worse - the day of the wedding. At least we have 3 and a half months notice so that we can make another plan. But it's very sad. He was a long time family friend of my soon-to-be in-laws and their entire family. Why does everything have to change? Why couldn't he have held on another 6 months? It's sad.
And now I have to add something back ON to my to-do list: Find Officiant. Ugh.
Well, he was in his 80s. So it's not like we didn't know that this was a possiblity. At least it didn't happen the day before or even worse - the day of the wedding. At least we have 3 and a half months notice so that we can make another plan. But it's very sad. He was a long time family friend of my soon-to-be in-laws and their entire family. Why does everything have to change? Why couldn't he have held on another 6 months? It's sad.
And now I have to add something back ON to my to-do list: Find Officiant. Ugh.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Perfection
No one under the sun is more concerned with perfection than a woman in her 30s who is getting married for the first time.
Yesterday I went to a fabulous store in the Gift Center on Brannan called Hyegraph that specializes in wedding invitations. This store offers a 20 percent discount off of the total cost of your order if you mention the "Here Comes the Guide" website. I knew immediately that this was "my" store.
When I arrived, I discoverd that not only do they do wedding invitations, but they also sell ring bearer pillows, guest books, guest book pens, photo albums, the list goes on. It's a one-stop shop for all your wedding trinket needs. I had to resist the urge to buy a ring bearer pillow on the spot. I figured it might be good to buy it when the fiance and I return together.
While I was browsing through the five hundred books of wedding inivitation designs my attention was drawn to a couple sitting at the next table who was placing their invitation order. Originally I took note of them because I heard them say that their wedding date was June 16th, one day before mine. My first thought was, "Great! I'm finally ON TIME with something." If _they_ are just now placing there invitation order, then I'm not late in placing mine. I could tell by the look of the couple, that THEY woudn't do anything late.
As the couple's invitation ordering conversation continued with the sales person, I overheard a few bits and pieces. They wanted THIS to be olive colored but not THAT. And they complained about the the fact that figuring out the wording was the most difficult part of the whole invitation ordering process. At the end of the conversation the groom said,"One more thing to check off our to-do list!"
It's like a club that you join... The Wedding Planning Club. Everyone in the Wedding Planning Club has a "To-Do" List and your sole purpose in life from the minute you get engaged until the moment you say "I Do" is to check things off of the "To Do" list. You have no other purpose in life. You are ruled by The List and The Due Dates and Deposits and the Balances Due. You don't pay attention to your career. You forget to socialize. You only go to the gym because your arms will look fat in your strapless gown if you don't. You pay attention to the people who are in your wedding party and the parents who are making financial contributions, and ignore everyone else. And you check, check, check things off your To-Do list. Sometimes you do things, just so you can check them off the list. Sometimes you check things off the list that you don't plan to do and will never do, just because it feels really good to put a check in a box on "The List."
So this couple was IN the club... basking in the glory of another checked-off list item. But alas, just as the guy was beginning to feel some sense of relief as they put that all-important "check" next to the "Order Wedding Invitations" line item, his fiance started complaining about her ring. I couldn't hear the entire conversation. But I did hear the most imporant and poinient part. The bride said, "We HAVE to go to back the jeweler because I really DO NOT like how the stone is placed in the setting!" When I heard this I wanted to explode with laughter. Was she kidding? She said it with such angst and disdain. She was clearly focused on nothing other than the probably totally imperceptable imperfection of the exact placement of her stone in her ring's setting. There was nothing else in her mind or in her life other than this imperfection. She couldn't even bask in the relief of checking off a major "To Do" from her list. The very second that they finished ordering their invitations, she began complaining! The groom responded with some vague reassurances. In that moment I thought that the groom should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for putting up with this woman and her absurd fixation. The bride stood up from the table and went to the sales girl at the counter. She asked with pointed urgency, "So when will this order be called in? Will it be tomorrow?!?!" The implied message was that the order better be called in tomorrow or else there would be hell to pay. Again I lauged internally at the absurdity of the bride's urgency with every detail. The sales girl made some noises about how the store owner was out sick so she didn't know exactly when the order would be called in. I thought for a moment that the bride would explode. I could sense her desire to explode, in fact. "Oh my, why is he sick? Is he okay???" She didn't care about the store owner. She cared about her invitations, and moreover the timeliness of the ordering of her invitations. The groom leaned over and gave the bride the sweetest, most endearing kiss on the forehead. What is it that allows men to be able to put up with the insanity of the 30-something bride? I could tell just by looking at this woman that nothing was perfect enough, nothing was fast enough, and nothing was satisfying enough for her. The poor thing. I was so glad in that moment that I was not her. And then... of course I realized... that I am her.
For the past four days I have looked at my two front teeth in my rearview mirror of my car just about every 30 seconds or whenever the traffic patterns would allow. I can't decide if the color is okay. And I need to look at them five hundred times every day to figure out if I should go back to the dentist or not. When I was looking through the books of invitations, I kept asking if there was another book with this sort of thing or that sort of thing that I could look at. What was put in front of me was not good enough. I kept wanting there to be something else. Something better. Something different. Something - perfect. Thank goodness my fiance picked out the ring on his own. I love the ring, exactly how it is, because he picked it out. If I had had to pick it out, we'd still be looking at rings. And I'd be going back to the jeweler every other day having the stone re-set and re-re-set and re-re-re-set. But because my fiance picked it out, it's perfect as-is. It's the sentimentality factor. If he does it, it's sentimental and perfect. If I do it, it cost too much and no amount of human inspired craftsmanship is perfect enough - not in cosmetic dental work, not in the setting of stones in a ring, not in the graphic design or printing of Save the Date cards, not in anything. Nothing is good enough.
I cannot figure out why brides are chronically dissatisfied, eternally anxious about planning, and expect the precision of brain surgeons from every wedding vendor they encounter. The sales person said to the couple, "I always tell people that it's only ONE DAY." I guess that's code for "chill out, bitch" - which is what she probably really wanted to say to the bride. And here I thought I was the only person on the face of the earth who was obsessing about details. At least I've never questioned whether or not my stone was properly put in it's setting. Whew - one less thing to worry about.
I didn't actually order any invitations yesterday. I found some things that I liked at that store. But I didn't find anything that was perfect.
Yesterday I went to a fabulous store in the Gift Center on Brannan called Hyegraph that specializes in wedding invitations. This store offers a 20 percent discount off of the total cost of your order if you mention the "Here Comes the Guide" website. I knew immediately that this was "my" store.
When I arrived, I discoverd that not only do they do wedding invitations, but they also sell ring bearer pillows, guest books, guest book pens, photo albums, the list goes on. It's a one-stop shop for all your wedding trinket needs. I had to resist the urge to buy a ring bearer pillow on the spot. I figured it might be good to buy it when the fiance and I return together.
While I was browsing through the five hundred books of wedding inivitation designs my attention was drawn to a couple sitting at the next table who was placing their invitation order. Originally I took note of them because I heard them say that their wedding date was June 16th, one day before mine. My first thought was, "Great! I'm finally ON TIME with something." If _they_ are just now placing there invitation order, then I'm not late in placing mine. I could tell by the look of the couple, that THEY woudn't do anything late.
As the couple's invitation ordering conversation continued with the sales person, I overheard a few bits and pieces. They wanted THIS to be olive colored but not THAT. And they complained about the the fact that figuring out the wording was the most difficult part of the whole invitation ordering process. At the end of the conversation the groom said,"One more thing to check off our to-do list!"
It's like a club that you join... The Wedding Planning Club. Everyone in the Wedding Planning Club has a "To-Do" List and your sole purpose in life from the minute you get engaged until the moment you say "I Do" is to check things off of the "To Do" list. You have no other purpose in life. You are ruled by The List and The Due Dates and Deposits and the Balances Due. You don't pay attention to your career. You forget to socialize. You only go to the gym because your arms will look fat in your strapless gown if you don't. You pay attention to the people who are in your wedding party and the parents who are making financial contributions, and ignore everyone else. And you check, check, check things off your To-Do list. Sometimes you do things, just so you can check them off the list. Sometimes you check things off the list that you don't plan to do and will never do, just because it feels really good to put a check in a box on "The List."
So this couple was IN the club... basking in the glory of another checked-off list item. But alas, just as the guy was beginning to feel some sense of relief as they put that all-important "check" next to the "Order Wedding Invitations" line item, his fiance started complaining about her ring. I couldn't hear the entire conversation. But I did hear the most imporant and poinient part. The bride said, "We HAVE to go to back the jeweler because I really DO NOT like how the stone is placed in the setting!" When I heard this I wanted to explode with laughter. Was she kidding? She said it with such angst and disdain. She was clearly focused on nothing other than the probably totally imperceptable imperfection of the exact placement of her stone in her ring's setting. There was nothing else in her mind or in her life other than this imperfection. She couldn't even bask in the relief of checking off a major "To Do" from her list. The very second that they finished ordering their invitations, she began complaining! The groom responded with some vague reassurances. In that moment I thought that the groom should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for putting up with this woman and her absurd fixation. The bride stood up from the table and went to the sales girl at the counter. She asked with pointed urgency, "So when will this order be called in? Will it be tomorrow?!?!" The implied message was that the order better be called in tomorrow or else there would be hell to pay. Again I lauged internally at the absurdity of the bride's urgency with every detail. The sales girl made some noises about how the store owner was out sick so she didn't know exactly when the order would be called in. I thought for a moment that the bride would explode. I could sense her desire to explode, in fact. "Oh my, why is he sick? Is he okay???" She didn't care about the store owner. She cared about her invitations, and moreover the timeliness of the ordering of her invitations. The groom leaned over and gave the bride the sweetest, most endearing kiss on the forehead. What is it that allows men to be able to put up with the insanity of the 30-something bride? I could tell just by looking at this woman that nothing was perfect enough, nothing was fast enough, and nothing was satisfying enough for her. The poor thing. I was so glad in that moment that I was not her. And then... of course I realized... that I am her.
For the past four days I have looked at my two front teeth in my rearview mirror of my car just about every 30 seconds or whenever the traffic patterns would allow. I can't decide if the color is okay. And I need to look at them five hundred times every day to figure out if I should go back to the dentist or not. When I was looking through the books of invitations, I kept asking if there was another book with this sort of thing or that sort of thing that I could look at. What was put in front of me was not good enough. I kept wanting there to be something else. Something better. Something different. Something - perfect. Thank goodness my fiance picked out the ring on his own. I love the ring, exactly how it is, because he picked it out. If I had had to pick it out, we'd still be looking at rings. And I'd be going back to the jeweler every other day having the stone re-set and re-re-set and re-re-re-set. But because my fiance picked it out, it's perfect as-is. It's the sentimentality factor. If he does it, it's sentimental and perfect. If I do it, it cost too much and no amount of human inspired craftsmanship is perfect enough - not in cosmetic dental work, not in the setting of stones in a ring, not in the graphic design or printing of Save the Date cards, not in anything. Nothing is good enough.
I cannot figure out why brides are chronically dissatisfied, eternally anxious about planning, and expect the precision of brain surgeons from every wedding vendor they encounter. The sales person said to the couple, "I always tell people that it's only ONE DAY." I guess that's code for "chill out, bitch" - which is what she probably really wanted to say to the bride. And here I thought I was the only person on the face of the earth who was obsessing about details. At least I've never questioned whether or not my stone was properly put in it's setting. Whew - one less thing to worry about.
I didn't actually order any invitations yesterday. I found some things that I liked at that store. But I didn't find anything that was perfect.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Absurdities
Okay. Yesterday I spent THREE HOURS painting silver glitter on the Save the Date cards.
Right now I am trying to format address labels for the Save the Date cards so that they line up properly in my make-shift microsoft word template so that I can print them to my fiance's printer that is running out of ink...
Last week I paid two thousand dollars to have veneers put on my top two front teeth so that they can finally be the same color. You see, they haven't been the same color since I was about 10 years old. Somehow I acquired a partially dead tooth. I never cared. Until now. I want to be able to smile freely on my wedding day and know that that the photos will look o-kay. So I paid two thousand dollars and suffered through three weeks of embarassment (more on that later). On Friday, I got my new teeth. The only problem is, they still aren't the same color. Apparently veneers are not entirely opaque. Who knew? So, although the veneers are actually the same color, they are not the same color in my mouth. So I'm two thousand dollars poorer, and my teeth are still two different colors. What is wrong with this picture?
As I was stuffing the Save the Date cards, I noticed that one envelope got mangled as it went through the printer, and 19 of the envelopes were printed on the wrong paper stock.
I've asked my fiance upwards of 25 times for his mailing adresses. I still don't have them.
I've decided to start lifting upper body weights, because I'm wearing a strapless gown. Maybe I should just stop eating for 4 months. Then my arms will look great, and I won't have to go to the gym.
My fiance asked me today if I wanted to register for fine china and/or silver. I have no idea what I want to register for. What should a couple in their late 30s / early 40s register for? We already have two entire households. Can we register for a new house altogether with low property taxes and two separate offices?
Yesterday the six year old girl who is the daughter of one of my bridesmaids and also the flower girl in the wedding saw the Save the Date cards spread out all over the dining room table. She asked me if I was marrying my fiancé, my fiancé's ex-wife, my fiancé's son, or my fiancé's dog. She wasn't exactly sure who I was marrying. I told her that I was marrying my fiancé. She replied, "You shouldn't marry him, you should marry the dog."
Right now I am trying to format address labels for the Save the Date cards so that they line up properly in my make-shift microsoft word template so that I can print them to my fiance's printer that is running out of ink...
Last week I paid two thousand dollars to have veneers put on my top two front teeth so that they can finally be the same color. You see, they haven't been the same color since I was about 10 years old. Somehow I acquired a partially dead tooth. I never cared. Until now. I want to be able to smile freely on my wedding day and know that that the photos will look o-kay. So I paid two thousand dollars and suffered through three weeks of embarassment (more on that later). On Friday, I got my new teeth. The only problem is, they still aren't the same color. Apparently veneers are not entirely opaque. Who knew? So, although the veneers are actually the same color, they are not the same color in my mouth. So I'm two thousand dollars poorer, and my teeth are still two different colors. What is wrong with this picture?
As I was stuffing the Save the Date cards, I noticed that one envelope got mangled as it went through the printer, and 19 of the envelopes were printed on the wrong paper stock.
I've asked my fiance upwards of 25 times for his mailing adresses. I still don't have them.
I've decided to start lifting upper body weights, because I'm wearing a strapless gown. Maybe I should just stop eating for 4 months. Then my arms will look great, and I won't have to go to the gym.
My fiance asked me today if I wanted to register for fine china and/or silver. I have no idea what I want to register for. What should a couple in their late 30s / early 40s register for? We already have two entire households. Can we register for a new house altogether with low property taxes and two separate offices?
Yesterday the six year old girl who is the daughter of one of my bridesmaids and also the flower girl in the wedding saw the Save the Date cards spread out all over the dining room table. She asked me if I was marrying my fiancé, my fiancé's ex-wife, my fiancé's son, or my fiancé's dog. She wasn't exactly sure who I was marrying. I told her that I was marrying my fiancé. She replied, "You shouldn't marry him, you should marry the dog."
Thursday, February 15, 2007
My dress is here!
I ordered my dress one month ago. And I _just_ now got a call from Marie at Paris Connection telling me that my dress is here! I'm so excited! Now it really feels like I'm getting married! My dress is here! I'm so excited! Wait... did I tell you that I'm excited! I have to add some more exclamation points!!!!!!!! It's supposed to take 6 months to get a wedding dress. That took 1 month. Wow. How exciting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)