What's in a date?

Think about June 17th. Does anything in particular come to mind? It's a prime number... In mid-June the days are long - thus lots of sunlight... it's summertime - what a great time for a "Wedding." Anything else? I like the number 7... there's a 7 in there...

Pretty much nothing comes to mind. It's a Clean Slate. What a great day to become our "Anniversary"... permanently. We mainly chose the date because the timing fits with my work schedule. It allows us to get married, have a leisurly honeymoon and return in time for me to start teaching the next quarter. We could have held the wedding the following Sunday, but the Rabbi preferred the 17th and it allows our honeymoon travels to be more relaxed.

Then you start telling everyone the date. It turns out that it is my housemate's parent's anniversary. It's Ilonka's friend's birthday. It's my skating instructor / hair dresser's mother's birthday. It's "June-Teenth!" For those who don't know, that's the day the slaves we're freed in Texas. Say "June-Teeth" reallly loudly and with a Southern accent... And just today... about two weeks after we decided on the date and have already told everyone we know about it... my friend Lia pointed out that it is FATHER'S DAY. Yes, June 17th, 2007 is Father's Day. Apparentlly nobody knows... You see Father's Day is a different day every year, because it is always on a Sunday.

I was not initially excited to learn that I would be getting married on Father's Day. Why? Because the day should be all about ME. Okay, it's about US. But now it's also about FATHER's. That's too confusing. I don't want that. John is a Father. Heck, half the people attending the wedding are probably Father's. EVERYBODY who will be at the wedding HAS a father. Will everyone be thinking about their Father on that day? "Congratulations on your marriage! How exciting! Oh, wait, excuse me... I have to go call my father right now... because, you know, it's Father's Day."

People do weird things with dates. They make dates "meaningful." We are trained to do this from birth. Starting with that day.... the birthday. If your birthday is Christmas, forget it. That's sensory overload. People can't handle two significant events happening on the same day. Their brains are already full with the first anniversary. You can't add a second one. So kid's born on Christmas are screwed for the rest of their life.

Then I had another friend warn me about setting the date to close to graduation time... maybe people will have conflicts. Then someone else said that maybe this is not a good time because Colin, John's son, will just be ending school for the year and starting a summer routine and that's a big change for Colin... should we be going away on a honeymoon for two weeks at that time? But if you say you're getting married in December people give you the "grimace" face. Weddings don't happen in December. They happen in Sring or Summer. So June is perfect, right? But there can be a lot of fog in San Francisco in the summer. So here, people want to get married in September. But September is when school starts, it's my birthday, it's John's son's birthday... Oh yes and don't get married on Mother's Day because your flowers will cost $8,000 instead of $4,000.

Is there any good day to get married? A day that has no inherent significance to anyone involved. A day that is made just for YOU. Given that there are only 365 days in a year, every date of the year means something to someone. But no one ever tells you about that significance under normal circumstances. My birthday has been on September 27th for 37 years. When I tell people my birthday they don't say... Oh! That's my parent's anniversay, my dog's birthday, my son's graduation, my husband's ex-cousin's hairdresser's comming-out day! They say, Happy Birthday! When you tell people the date that you're getting married, suddenly that day is everything EXCEPT your wedding day. Maybe that's because we can choose our wedding day but not our birthday?

I just spoke to my future brother in-law for about 20 seconds on the phone and mentioned that we just learned that we are getting married on Father's Day. He said, "That's Great!" And I think he really meant it. Good. Why do _ I _ think it's a problem? Am I looking for perfection here, because this is "My Wedding Day?" I'm just going to make the decision right now that there will be something imperfect about everything having to do with the wedding. Hopefully there won't be anything tragic... there will just be little imperfections about everything. There's no perfect cake, no perfect dress, no perfect location, no perfect florist, no perfect photographer, the list goes on. And there is certainly no perfect date. A date that won't pose any problems or have any conflicts for guests that have to travel to the wedding, that doesn't have a more significant meaning already, that will command perfect weather in San Francisco because the ceremony will be outside... Nothing in life is perfect. Why do brides hope for and expect perfection when it comes to their wedding day? Is it because they've been dreaming about that day since they were 6 years old? So now that I'm 37 I've had 31 years to envision what my Wedding Day will be like? This is too much pressure. Nothing is perfect. Sometimes you can get really damn close to perfection. But do you ever really attain it?

June 17th is a great day. Because as far as I am concerned, it is nothing but OUR WEDDING DAY.